Expired On The Train

Spike cocked his head at the newspaper, a smirk on his face. "Well now. This brings back memories."

Xander paused in wrestling with the Snickers bag long enough to give Spike a grin. "Another massacre somewhere in the world, huh? And is it wrong that I'm starting to think it's really sweet when you get misty eyed over mass homicide?"

Spike chuckled. "Nah. Been readin' the newspaper long enough to know that on a scale of wrong, that don't even register a blip these days. I'm not talking about mass homicides this time, pet."

"What is it then?" Xander asked around a mouthful of plastic, trying to rip open a bag that wanted only to stretch. "And ow." He let go, rubbing his jaw and glaring at the bag standing between him and chocolate heaven.

"Give it here." Spike leaned forward to snatch the bag, game faced, and ripped cleanly through it with his fangs, spitting the plastic into the air, then finding himself with a mouthful of enthusiastic and wriggling human tongue. "Hmm. Mind the fangs, luv."

"Like the fangs," Xander hummed, running his tongue over them. "I have gone insane, but I like the fangs. They're seasonal." He settled back onto the couch with a thump, leaving his legs across Spike's lap, and dipped into the bag of candy, unwrapping a miniature chocolate bar. "So not mass homicide?" He prompted.

"Gimme one of those." Spike snagged a handful of chocolate before Xander could snatch the bag out of the way.

"Hey! One!"

"Vamps got a different definition of one, pet."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"As many as we bloody well want," Spike said through a mouthful of fangs. "Fancy an argument?"

"And that would be a lot scarier if I hadn't had that mouth wrapped around my cock more times than I can count." Xander nudged Spike with his foot and set the bag between them in easy reach of them both. "Not massacre?" He prompted again, because hey, third time's the charm.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Not massacres. Trains."

"I so did not see that coming."

Spike chuckled, biting off a piece of chocolate and sprawling into the comfort of the couch. "Dru liked trains. Liked 'em as a human. Loved 'em as a vamp. We took trains all over Europe together for years."

"Do I want to know why?"

"Said they spoke to her." Spike shrugged. "But she liked the dining cars best. Had this little game she'd play that Darla'd taught her. She'd go into the dining car alone, find an older gentleman to give her a seat at his table, and have a nice conversation with him, then slip-slide down under the table for a bit of fun."

"Um, missing the mass homicides now, Spike. Why older gentlemen, and am I going to wish I didn't ask this?"

Spike's smile grew wistful, looking back comfortably into the past. "Cause nobody would notice when they drifted off over dinner, see? When she was down there, she'd get her little fill, then open the artery. Just here." Spike tip-toed his fingers up Xander's inner thigh to circle the pulse point, smirking when Xander's legs parted for him before his human was aware of it.

"Hey, are we telling a story or making with the kinky?"

"You got a problem with the kinky, pet?" Spike flicked a glance at Xander's face, and splayed his palm over the bulge in Xander's jeans, thumb trailing back down to that spot at his inner leg.

"N- no. Just checking."

Spike chuckled, leaning across to drag Xander up far enough that he could demand a chocolate-flavored kiss, and letting go. "Story first, kinky after. Promise. So Dru'd have her fun, then drink him down, all rich with wine and good food, and maybe a bit of laudanum if she chose the right sort, and he'd slump down on the table like he'd gone to sleep. Then she'd shimmy her way out, thank him for a good meal, and come to bed. She may have been daft, my dark princess, but she was creative."

"Still not getting what the article was about."

"That's cause there's more to the story, luv. He'd be there all night her gentleman and sometimes all day too, cause in those days, she'd always go for the sort with money, and that type could sleep anywhere he bloody well liked. If she could manage it, she'd always try to be in the dining car when the conductor'd discover the bloke was dead too. Called it the after-dinner entertainment, she did." Spike picked up the paper again, finding the small article and tracing it with a fond finger. "But one bloke, a duke, I think, was so rich, they spent nearly two days tip-toeing around him, even slipped his ticket out of his coat pocket to make sure he was goin' the right way. Most consideration I've ever seen afforded a dead man."

Xander made a grab for the newspaper, but Spike jerked it out of the way more quickly. "Come on, Spike! I want to know what happened."

"All right. All right. Impatient little sod." Spike caught Xander's toes as they threatened his ribs with a stern tickling, and planted them firmly in his lap instead. "That's what the article was about. The dead passenger bit, at least. Happened the other week in York."

"Drusilla feeding on a man in the dining car?"

"No, you daft pillock. The conductor stamping the ticket of a dead bloke he thought was only sleeping." Spike considered the article for a moment, head tilted. "Course, I'm not ruling out the possibility it was Dru taking a holiday to York that caused him to come over dead, mind you."

Xander laughed. "You've got to be kidding me."

Spike snorted, handing over the newspaper then folding his arms smugly across his chest as Xander read. He raised an eyebrow when Xander giggled. "What's that, luv?"

"Just- this. I love the English."

"Oh, I know. But what's that got to do with the article?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "Not you. Well, okay, you, but I'm not talking about you this time. God, this is great." Xander drew himself up, speaking in the most pompous imitation of Giles's accent Spike had ever heard as he read aloud. "The conductor needn't have been so careful, as it turned out that the passenger had expired, long before his ticket ever did." Xander pointed. "That was in the police report."

"It's our national character, it is," Spike said, taking the newspaper away and hauling Xander up again, shuffling them both around until he had a human comfortably reclined against his chest. "Got to have some sense of humor 'bout life and death." Spike thought a moment. "'Specially death."