Strange Bedfellows
[Canadian
consulate]
[Fraser’s office;
Fraser is taking a Rorschach test]
Fraser: A
criminal.
Doctor: Good.
Now this one?
Fraser: An
officer of the law.
Doctor: I see.
And this one?
Fraser:
[covers right
eye]
Justice
Thatcher:
Justice? I see three moths. How does he get Justice from
three moths?
Fraser: Well, I
could be wrong, sir, but you see, I took these two
swirls--
Doctor: Uh,
there is no right or wrong, Constable. These are merely
indicators of an internal state.
[
sound of chainsaw in background; Fraser looks
around]
Fraser: Do you
hear that?
[
doctor shakes head no]
Thatcher: Hear
what?
Fraser: Ah,
nothing.
Doctor: As I
was saying, these tests were designed to help us assess
the psychological profile of the individual members of
the...
[
sound of hammering in background, Fraser looks
around again]
Fraser: You
sure you don’t hear that?
Thatcher: Hear
what, Fraser?
Fraser: Uh,
chainsaw and uh, hammering.
Carpentry, could be
carpentry.
Doctor:
Fascinating! And is this sound coming from close by, or
from far away?
Fraser: Quite
close. Actually, I think it’s coming from right
here.
[Fraser opens
closet door...finds only a closet]
Doctor: Hmm.
Perhaps we should be trying a little word
association.
[car]
Fraser: Uh,
chainsaw.
Ray:
Massacre.
Fraser:
Closet.
Ray: What kind
of question is that?
Fraser: It’s
nothing untoward. It’s just if I say ‘closet’ one person
might say ‘brooms’ and another person might say
‘carpentry.’
Ray: Yeah, and
I might say ‘hey, you’re losing your mind, Fraser.’
Fraser: Well,
that question has been raised only recently. Ah,
surveillance. I thought as much.
[
car pulls to a stop; Kowalski watches in mirror: 2
people embrace on the sidewalk]
Ray:
Disgusting.
Fraser: What
is?
Ray: Well,
kissing right out in the middle of the street like that.
Flaunting it all over the
place.
Fraser: I
didn’t realize you were so prudish.
Ray: Me? Hey.
That’s not it. I’ll try anything. That’s not the
point.
Fraser: What is
the point?
Ray: The point
is we got laws in this city and I’m sworn to enforce ‘em.
And one of those laws bans lascivious acts.
[
hands Fraser a
book]
Thank you very much, Fraser. Page
118. And that, my friend, is definitely a
lascivious act.
Fraser: You
know, Ray, this is the 1890 Illinois Criminal Code.
Ray: Old laws
are the best laws, Fraser. Look at
that, look at...would you
look--
Fraser: Hang on
a second.
Ray
: What?
[Fraser adjusts
rearview mirror to look behind them: a man is aiming a gun
at the couple]
Ray:
What?
Fraser:
Gun.
[
they jump out of car; Kowalski heads straight for
the couple & knocks them to the ground; gunshot...
Fraser runs after the shooter, but too late – tires
screech as shooter
flees]
Stella: What
the hell do you think you’re doing?!
Ray: Saving
your life. I...
Orsini: I don’t
understand. Why are you so upset? This man saved our
lives, Stella.
[
shakes Kowalski’s hand]
Stella: Oh
yeah, because he just happened to be driving by.
Fraser: Oh no,
ma’am. Actually Detective Vecchio and I were on a routine
surveillance. We were... Apparently we were on the lookout
for, well, we were on the lookout for lascivious acts.
[Stella gives
Kowalski a death look]
Although I’m
not sure what we witnessed could be--
Ray: Shut up,
Fraser.
Fraser:
Understood.
Ray: This is my
partner, Fraser. He’s Canadian.
Stella:
Obviously.
Ray: This is
Alderman Frank Orsini.
Fraser: A
pleasure to meet you.
Orsini: And
you, thank you.
Ray: And this
is, uh, my ex-wife
Stella.
[reporters and police at
scene]
Orsini: But I
want you all to know that I have every confidence in the
police department of
Chicago
.
Welsh: Ah, I
think that’s enough, thank you.
Reporter: How
is State’s Attorney Kowalski involved in this
matter?
Orsini: Well,
as the detective said, that’s all we know at this
time.
Ray: Why the
circus?
Fraser: Well,
your ex-wife is involved in law enforcement, Ray.
Naturally any attempt on her life would warrant extra
effort.
Dewey:
Actually, it’s the guy she’s doing. Turns out he’s some
big shot politician.
Ray: Uh, what
was that? Sorry, I missed that.
[Dewey is standing in the way of Kowalski’s view of
Stella]
Dewey: Uh, he’s
a politician. You know, City Alderman. He’s, uh, he’s
about to become mayor.
Ray: Uh, no,
the part about my wife.
Dewey: About
the guy she’s doing? Well, he’s a good-looking guy, lots
of cash, moves around the right circles. Actually, I don’t
think they’re just friends. I’d get over it if I were you.
You’ve been replaced.
Ray: Funny
guy.
[Kowalski jumps
Dewey, pins him to the hood of a police cruiser; Fraser
& Huey separate them]
Fraser: Ray,
Ray, Ray!
Huey: Easy,
easy. C’mon! I’d like you to meet my new partner. This is
Tom Dewey.
Fraser: Ah.
Pleased to meet you. I imagine you’d be named after the
famous prosecuting attorney and former governor of
New
York
, Thomas Edmund Dewey.
Dewey: No,
actually I was named after my uncle. He sold fish.
Fraser:
Ah.
Dewey: Who are
you?
Fraser:
Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I
first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my
father and for reasons that really, well they don’t need
exploring at this particular juncture, have remained,
attached as liaison with the Canadian consulate.
Huey: So what
did you see?
Ray: Ah, it all
happened pretty fast. It was a guy about 6 feet tall, but
his face was hooded so he couldn’t--
Fraser:
Actually, he was 6 foot 3, wore
black pants, black hooded sweatshirt, he drove a grey 1990
Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera.
Unfortunately I was unable to make out the license plate,
but I did notice that he was driving on Firestone
steel-belted radials with an all-weather tread.
Dewey: You
couldn’t see the plate but you could see the tires?
Ray: Hey, just
write it down!
Fraser: Well
no, I didn’t actually see the tires; but the street, I
realize, has not been tended to by street cleaners lately
and I was able to make out the tire track marks.
Dewey:
[aside to
Huey]
Is this
guy for real?
Huey: The
jury’s still out on that.
Fraser: Most
importantly, I noticed that the right rear tire had a
distinctive nick.
Dewey: Oh, a
nick.
[Welsh
approaches]
Welsh: Uh,
excuse me. Ray, Fraser. Couple things I want to straighten
out.
Ray: Yeah, you
guys just get back to your donuts there.
Welsh: There is
an issue I’d like to clear up, like uh... excuse me,
Fraser.
[Fraser steps
away]
Welsh: Your
ex-wife. I don’t think she believes that you were actually
just passing by here.
Ray: Uh, she’s
paranoid.
Welsh: Good,
good, good. Cause I’d hate to
think one of my officers would actually be sick enough to
be tailing his ex-wife on a date?
Ray: No, sir.
Nobody’d wanna think that,
sir.
Welsh: Good,
good, cause Alderman Orsini would like to thank you guys
personally. After that you can give him and Ms. Kowalski a
ride home.
Ray: A ride
home?
Welsh: You got
a problem with that?
Ray: Uh, no
problem, sir.
Welsh: Good,
good, because until we find out who tried to kill him,
you’re going to be his personal bodyguard.
Ray: C’mon,
find somebody else.
Welsh: Oh no,
the alderman specifically requested you and Fraser. It
seems you exhibited some kind of competence this
evening.
Ray: Got
it.
Fraser:
Actually, Leftenant, you see I have several outstanding
issues--
Welsh: No, no,
no, I already talked to Thatcher. She seems to think that
due to your mental state that it would be better if
Turnbull stood guard.
[
walks off]
Fraser: My, my,
my...uh, my...did she happen to elaborate on
my...sir?
[
sedan; Orsini & Stella sit in back with Dief
between them]
Stella: Uh,
would your wolf be more comfortable if I sat in the
middle?
Fraser: Well,
perhaps. He does ordinarily enjoy a window seat.
Ray: I think
that things are just fine the way they are.
Orsini: You
know, I really appreciate what
you two did for us back there, putting your lives on the
line like that.
Fraser: Oh, it
was nothing more than our duty, sir.
Orsini: No, a
lot of
Chicago
cops
wouldn’t feel that way.
Ray: Actually
most would. In fact a lot of guys are a lot better at
this...body-guarding stuff than we are.
Orsini: I’m
being shot at. I need someone I can trust, someone that’s
good. That’s you.
[
pats Kowalski & Fraser on the
shoulders]
Stella: I think
perhaps Ray’s a little uncomfortable with the fact that
we’re seeing each other, Frank.
Orsini: Oh, I
highly doubt that, Stella.
Ray: You
do?
Orsini: Yeah,
you’re a practical man. You know, one thing that politics
has taught me is that the world is a matrix of
practicality. If you approach any problem sensibly, and
you discover that x=y there’s a pretty good chance you’ll
also discover that y=x, and we’re all adults. You’re not
married any longer and he’s a professional, where’s the
problem?
Ray: No
problem, x=y, that’s...
Orsini:
Stella?
Stella: Oh, no
problem for me.
[
they pull up to
Orsini’s house]
Ray: So this is
where you live?
Orsini:
Weekdays. I have a place in the country for the
weekend.
[Orsini kisses
Stella; Dief growls]
Ray: Oh, now
you’ve gone and done it. The wolf’s upset.
Fraser:
Diefenbaker. Terribly sorry, but he tends to be overly
protective of women.
Orsini: That’s
okay. I’m a little protective of Stella myself.
[
gets out of
car]
Well.
Police Officer:
Good evening, Alderman.
Orsini: Looks
like I have plenty of company for the night. I’ll see you
two guys at seven.
Fraser: Good
night, sir.
Orsini:
[walks to
house]
How’s it going,
gents?
Officer: Mr.
Orsini.
Stella: What
were you doing at the restaurant, Ray? What, are you
stalking me?
Fraser: Ma’am,
I don’t think stalking would be an accurate
description--
Stella: I’m
sorry, I’m a little unclear as to how this is
any of your
business.
Fraser: Well,
Ray is my partner and my friend, and I’m very confident
that his intentions were honorable.
Stella: Well
I’m glad you think that, but where I come from you don’t
drive around spying on your ex-wife when she’s going out
with another man.
Fraser: Well,
you have a point, ma’am, but he did save your life at
considerable risk to his own.
Ray: I’m sorry,
Stella.
Stella: What do
you want, Ray?
Ray
: [thinks to
self]
I want you. You know we were
put on this planet to love one another. We can’t throw
that away. That’s something that you know and...
[
aloud]
I know.
Stella: What do
you want, Ray?
Ray: Uh,
nothing.
Stella:
[sighs
]
I’m going to get a
cab.
Ray: Look,
Stella, I’m supposed to give you a ride home, aren’t
I?
Stella: It’s
okay. I’ll see you.
[
exits]
Ray: Stella!
C’mon, c’mon, Stella! Stella!! Ste...
[
bangs steering wheel repeatedly]
Fraser: You’re
acting very strangely tonight, Ray. I mean, I don’t mean
this as a criticism, but...
Ray: Look, this
is the first time she’s been serious about a guy, since we
split up.
Fraser: How do
you know that?
Ray: My mum.
They’re pals, they talk all the time, she tells her
everything.
Fraser: You
know, Ray, she is your *ex* wife, I mean, you can’t really
interfere in her life. I mean, I can see how she would
misunderstand that.
Ray: Look, I
know that. But I, um, I worry about her. I think about her
all the time.
Fraser: It must
not be easy for you.
Ray: You have
no idea. It just...
[27th
precinct; darkened and empty]
Fraser: Ray, I
thought the shooting incident was Huey and Dewey’s
case, that we were merely
assigned to bodyguard the alderman.
Ray: Right.
Have you ever heard of pre-emptive body-guarding,
Fraser?
Fraser : No.
Ray
: We put the shooter away; I don’t have to watch him move
in on Stella. Mmph, I hate
this thing, it never does what I want! Just--
[Fraser clicks two
keys]
Ray:
Thanks.
Fraser:
[reading from
screen]
‘Alderman threatened over development
project.’
Ray: He’s the
guy pushing the Manor Point project.
Fraser: Manor
Point?
Ray: Yeah, big
time development, tearing up a lot of old housing, putting
in yuppie shopping malls, that kind of stuff. The people
are getting ticked off cause
they’re getting turfed out.
[
sighs and bangs on
keyboard]
Make it print.
[Fraser hits key and
Kowalski turns to get printout]
Ray: Damon
Reece. Head of the Manor Point, uh,
Community Association. We’ll start with him
tomorrow.
Fraser: While
we’re body-guarding?
Ray: We’ll work
it out. C’mon, Fraser! Got to get up
early.
[
morning; sedan pulls up in front of
Orsini’s house with a
screech]
Officer:
Morning, Vecchio.
Ray: So we wait
here, or go in, or what?
Fraser: I think
perhaps it’s best if we wait.
[
taxi arrives]
Fraser: I
thought we were driving him.
Ray: Yeah, here
he comes.
[Orsini emerges from
the front door]
Ray: Oh
no.
[Stella emerges, kisses Orsini; Kowalski rests his head on steering wheel in defeat]
Ray
: I cannot do this, Fraser. I cannot.
Fraser: Of
course you can, Ray.
[Fraser pats
Kowalski on the back]
Ray: She spent
the night with him.
Fraser: Well,
now we don’t know that. I mean, that may be the case, on
the other hand perhaps she just came by for a breakfast
date.
Ray: A
breakfast date?
Fraser: Well
sure, people have luncheon dates, dinner dates, why
not a breakfast date?
Ray: Because
it’s um, what’s the word?
Stupid.
Fraser: What’s
so stupid about that? I mean eating together is eating
together. I don’t see how the time of day’s
relevant.
Ray: It’s
relevant because people go on dates to get in bed, not out
of them.
Fraser: You
know, that’s an extremely narrow interpretation of what
a--
Ray: Look,
Fraser. You know, if I want to
know how to track musk ox across the tundra, fine. But
when it comes to the dating habits of The Stella, I happen
to be an expert.
Fraser: All I’m
trying to say is--
Ray: Plus it
would take an act of God to get her out of bed. I mean, I
don’t think she drove an hour across town just to chomp
cereal with muttonhead.
[Orsini walks to
car, holds up to windshield a newspaper with headline
‘Attempted Murder Fails’]
Orsini:
Hahahaha! If it’s not too much
problem, guys, I gotta get to work.
[Fraser opens car
door, smacking Orsini with it]
Orsini
: Oof!
Ray:
[under
breath]
Thanks, Fraser.
Fraser: Shh.
I’m terribly sorry, sir.
[
opens rear door for Orsini]
Orsini:
[strained
]
Not a
problem.
[he climbs into car doubled over; Kowalski has wicked grin on his face]
[groundbreaking; Orsini is on
stage making speech to crowd, including many
protestors]
Orsini: Hello,
friends. Today is a great day for the city of
Chicago
. Today is a great day for the people of Manor Point.
Today we begin phase one of a project that epitomizes the
vigor and the spirit of
Chicago
. A project...
[
applause]
A project that uses the strength of the free enterprise
system for the good of everyone in the community--
Damon:
[yelling
]
What’s so good about
throwing us out of our homes?
Crowd:
Yeah!
Ray: That’s our
man Damon Reece.
Orsini: I hear
you, and I know you’re worried. I know that for a lot of
you this will mean change, and change can be frightening.
But, change can also mean growth.
Damon: That’s
crap!
Orsini: No, no,
this project includes provisions for low-cost
housing--
Damon: 500
units? You’re displacing 5,000 people and putting in 500
units that maybe they can’t even afford!
Orsini: It’s a
start, my friend, it’s a beginning and it’s for you. It’s
for the people of Manor Point. It’s for the children. I
believe...
[
cheers and
boos] I
believe that this project will encourage growth. It will
encourage an entrepreneurial spirit in this area that will
lift everyone up.
Damon: Lift up
yuppie businessmen!
Orsini: We’ve
all got to stop shouting at each other and start talking.
We’re all good people, we all have good intentions. We’ve
got to learn to work together, and if we do this project
will be a beacon for the entire city. That’s why I am glad
to be here today for this groundbreaking ceremony. Join
me.
[
mixed clapping and boos]
Damon: No way!
I’m not helping you tear up my life! This is an attack on
the community and everyone that lives here!
Mendleson: Oh
come on, nobody wants to...
Ray:
[quietly to
Fraser]
These guys are gonna go.
Damon: Our
homes are being torn down, we
have every right to be here!
Fraser: Excuse
me, gentlemen. Gentlemen, gentlemen! I’m sorry but I’m
going to have to ask you to stop right there.
Mendleson: Who
the hell are you?
Fraser:
Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted
Police.
Damon: A
Canadian.
Fraser : That’s right.
Damon
: You ever hear of free speech in
Canada
?
Fraser: Well
certainly.
Mendleson: So
then would you please get out of the way and let us
exercise it?
Fraser: Well, I
would like to, sir, but I’m afraid that this situation has
the potential of going beyond the boundaries of civilized
debate.
[Orsini gives
interview]
Orsini: ...Well
I couldn’t have done it without, uh...
[
crowd; Mendleson lunges for Damon]
Ray: Hold it,
hold on!
Chicago
PD!
First guy that tries any free speech gets
their head kicked
in! You got
that? Any takers? Now beat
it!
Go! Back
off!
[
crowd disperses]
Fraser: That
was very effective, Ray, although I’m not sure that your
methods are really in keeping with the spirit of the
Constitution.
Ray: The
Constitution is a piece of paper. A kick in the head is a
jolt. Okay, watch the pol.
Fraser. Um, say hypothetically, um, something happens and
you have to take a bullet for the
guy? Do me a
favor, don’t.
Fraser: You
know, Ray, it’s really nice to know you’re so concerned
for me.
Ray: I wasn’t
thinking about you, Fraser.
Fraser: Oh no,
no, of course not.
[Kowalski runs after
Reece]
Ray: Hey,
Reece, hold up!
[Reece spins
around]
Ray: Nervous,
guy?
Damon: What do
you want?
Ray: I just
want to ask you a couple of questions.
Damon: Look, it
was a peaceful, democratic protest. You got nothing to
hassle me about.
Ray: I’m not
hassling you. Who’s
hassling you?
Damon: Every
cop Orsini tries to sic on me, that’s who.
Ray: You don’t
like Orsini?
Damon: I don’t
like what he’s doing. We lost four blocks today. I plan to
keep the rest. Man, what do you see here?
Ray: A
slum.
[Reece gives him a
look]
Damon: A
community, neighborhood, homes, families. Four generations
of my family lived right here. Maybe it looks like a slum
to you and Alderman Orsini over there, but
it’s home to a lot of people
who love and care about it.
Ray: Look, hey,
if this development deal is so bad, how come it’s still
going through?
Damon: Because
people are scared. They don’t know how to fight big city
hall or big money.
Ray: Someone
tried to fight city hall last night with a
bullet.
Someone took a shot at Orsini.
Damon: You’re
kidding.
Ray: You got
any idea who that might be?
Damon: If I
knew, I’d tell you in a second. This stuff is killing
us.
Ray: How?
Damon: A death
threat on an alderman, a shooting. People don’t want to
get involved in that kind of stuff, it scares them off. We
were just starting to build some momentum, now this.
Damn!
[
tires screech in background, someone in car with
liquor bottle in hand; he throws it... Kowalski jumps on
Damon to cover him and knocks him to
ground]
Ray: Down,
down!
[
bottle crashes harmlessly]
Ray: Are you
all right?
Damon: Yeah,
thanks.
[Kowalski tries to see who it was]
Damon
: Did you get the license plate?
Ray: Yeah, I
got the first three letters. That’s all
right, I can run that on the
computer.
Damon: Forget
it, forget it. Just some punks trying
to scare me off. They’re not gonna be able to do
it.
[groundbreaking]
Ray: Any
action? [Fraser
shakes
head]
Yeah, well it’s still early. They gonna be long?
[Fraser cups hand to
ear to hear Orsini and his men, who are off in the
background]
Fraser: No,
they’re just wrapping up now.
Ray: C’mon.
Don’t tell me you can actually hear ‘em.
Fraser: Yes, I
can.
Ray: Okay, what
are they saying?
Fraser: Well,
I’m trying not to eavesdrop.
Ray: No, is he
going to ask Stella out for...the thing tonight? He was on
the phone... Buh
buh
buh hey! You give me...
[
both talking at once]
Fraser
: Ray, as a friend, you have got to come to grips
with...
Ray: What,
what, what? Give me a little information! You get to me...
You had... You...
[
man approaches]
Jerry: I’m
Jerry, the alderman’s assistant. I thought you might like
to know the schedule. First, we go to a city council
meeting, after that a committee meeting, and then a dinner
date.
Ray: A dinner
date? With who? Stella
Kowalski?
Jerry: How’d
you know that?
Ray:
[to
Fraser]
Mmph.
[walks
off]
[city council office; Orsini
& assistants exit, Kowalski & Fraser
follow]
Fraser: Boy,
that committee meeting was fascinating, Ray.
To actually see the inner workings of
a great democratic organization.
Ray:
Fraser, that was a five hour
talk about sewers.
Fraser: Well,
yes, it was. But still, to see how the different interests
achieve...
[Fraser &
Kowalski talking at the same time]
Ray: It’s all
about graft, corruption, and greed...
Fraser: ...and
then to realize that this goes on day after day after
day...
Ray: ...idiotic
blab. I mean there was more gas in there than in the
entire city of
Chicago
sewer
system...
Fraser: ...I
mean it was absolutely illuminating.
Ray:
Illuminating?
Fraser: Yes,
illuminating.
Ray: What’s
with you?
[courthouse; Stella leaves with
assistant & client, Orsini
arrives]
Orsini:
Hi.
Stella : Hi, there.
Orsini
: How are you?
[Orsini gives Stella
a quick kiss; Kowalski pauses on the steps]
Stella: Frank,
this is Diane Weston, a witness in one of my cases.
Orsini: Hi,
Diane, pleasure to meet you.
Diane: Well,
nice to meet you, Alderman Orsini.
Orsini: Can you
join us for drinks?
Diane No, I
can’t, but thanks.
Orsini
: Okay.
[Diane starts to
leave]
Dwayne: Diane!
Don’t do this to me. We belong together, we gotta get back
together. Diane, I’m not going to hurt you anymore.
Stella: Leave
her alone!
Dwayne: Please,
stay out of this! This is between Diane and me.
Stella: I said
get away from her.
Ray: Hey, look
you got a problem, pal?
Dwayne
: I just want to talk to my wife.
Diane: Just
stay away from me, Dwayne.
Dwayne: You
know what this is like, you’re a man,
you know how this feels!
Ray: No, I
don’t. You better leave before I jump
bogart
all over you.
[
lawyer pulls Dwayne away]
Ray: Beat
it.
[Stella turns to
Diane]
Stella: You all
right?
Diane: Yeah, I
guess.
Stella: You
need a ride home?
Diane: No, I’ll
be fine.
Stella: Get her
in a cab?
[Assistant & Diane
leave]
Ray: Was I ever
like that?
Stella: No, you
always knew the line.
[
to
Orsini]
Let’s go.
[
walking from courthouse]
Stella: I’m
prosecuting her husband for spousal abuse.
Orsini: Really?
She doesn’t look the type.
Ray: The type?
What, I don’t get that. What, what, what type?
Stella:
*Ray*?
Ray: Hey, I
know I’m just the bodyguard, ex-husband in this situation,
but I’m allowed to have an opinion.
Stella: You
*always* have an opinion.
Fraser: And
this one may be valid. After all, there is a general
perception that abused women come from a certain stratum
of--
Stella:
*Enough!* I know about abused
women. I’ve spent a month convincing Diane to prosecute
that creep! I don’t need a lecture from a
Chicago
cop
on the subject. Or a
Mountie.
Fraser:
Understood.
Ray: Not a
great idea to get into an argument with The Stella.
Fraser:
Obviously.
[Fraser &
Kowalski drop back again]
Stella:
Groundbreaking go okay?
Orsini: Oh,
yeah, it went fine.
Ray: Yeah,
except for the little protest of the people getting thrown
out of their houses.
Stella: The
project includes low-cost housing--
Ray: Yeah, for
500 maybe--
Orsini: That’s
500 units.
Fraser:
Actually, I think it was 200 units. And I believe you were
going to use something that you called ‘the spin’ to make
it seem as if there were more. I think spin is the correct
word.
Ray: It’s
exactly the right word, Fraser.
Fraser: I
inadvertently overheard some of your conversation.
Stella: Frank,
only 200? I thought you said five.
Orsini: Two,
five--who’s counting? Where shall we eat tonight? How
about the Oriole? I love what the light on the water there
does to your eyes.
[Stella & Orsini walk
on]
Ray: I’m gonna
puke.
[moonlight dinner cruise; Music: “Brindis” (from La Traviata) by Verdi.]
[Fraser & Kowalski sit at table by themselves;
Kowalski faces Orsini’s table,
staring intently at
Stella]
Chef: Ah,
Monsieur Orsini! A pleasure to have
you here tonight.
Orsini: The
pleasure’s all mine,
Frederick
.
Chef: Anything
you need, anything at all, just
tell me.
Orsini: I’m
sure everything will be just perfect.
Fraser: The
food here is excellent, Ray. You really should try
some.
Ray: I gotta
try it.
Fraser: That’s
the spirit. Now, I would recommend the shrimp
cocktail--
[Kowalski gets up
and walks over to
Stella]
Ray: May I have
this dance?
Stella:
No.
Ray: Forgotten
how?
Stella: I don’t
feel like it.
Ray:
Scared?
Stella: Don’t
be stupid.
Orsini: Is
there something going on that uh...
Stella: No, I
just don’t feel like dancing.
Ray: Come on,
you love to dance, Stella, it’s...
Orsini: You’re
making a big deal of this, Stella. Why?
Stella: I’m not
making a big deal out of anything, I don’t want to
dance.
Orsini: It
wouldn’t bother me.
Stella: Of
course it wouldn’t bother you. I wouldn’t care if it
did.
Orsini: No, I
meant--
Stella: Come
on, Ray.
Ray: Uh,
Alderman, you got a little something in your teeth.
[Orsini covers mouth
as Stella & Kowalski move to dance floor]
Stella: Think
you’re smart, don’t you.
Ray: Nah,
you’re the smart one, I’m just pretty.
[Kowalski closes
eyes as they dance, goes into a
dream-like state... music swells]
[
they dancing over the water, all alone (in
Kowalski’s mind)]
[voice over]
Ray: This
feels, I don’t know.
Stella:
Familiar.
Ray: Yeah,
easy. It’s always easy with you. Like
I don’t weigh anything.
Stella:
Yeah.
[
they kiss...]
[
ship’s horn blows... Orsini breaks in...
the dream is over]
Orsini: Music’s
over, pal.
Stella: It’s
over, Ray. Thanks for the dance.
[Orsini leads Stella
back to their table; Kowalski is left standing alone on
the dance floor. Music: “Wiener
Blut” by Johann Strauss
II.]
[Fraser gives Kowalski a thumbs-up as he returns to the
table]
Fraser: You’re
both excellent dancers.
Ray: Been doing
it since we were kids.
[Fraser watches the
sommelier opening bottle of champagne for Orsini and
Stella]
Fraser: That’s
odd.
Ray: Nah, a lot
of kids dance.
Fraser: No, the
champagne. The protective metal mesh always opens
counter-clockwise. This one opens clockwise.
[Fraser &
Kowalski look at each other and then both jump up...
Fraser grabs the bottle of
champagne]
Fraser: I’m
sorry.
Orsini: What
are you doing?
Fraser: It’s a
bad year.
[Fraser runs towards
the railing while Kowalski grabs Stella, puts her on the
ground and lays on top of her]
Fraser: Excuse
me, please. Stand aside.
[Fraser throws the
bottle overboard]
Orsini: What
are you’re doing?
Ray:
Body-guarding.
Orsini: Well
you think you could do it a little farther away?
[
bomb explodes... Fraser jumps
overboard]
Fraser:
Ahhhhhh!
*SPLASH*
Orsini: You can
get up now.
Ray:
Soon.
[27th
precinct; Fraser is splashing water all over the place as
he walks in]
Ray: Fraser,
tomorrow morning you’re going to have green stuff growing
in your eyebrows.
Fraser: Well,
you may well be right, Ray. The quality of the water is
appalling.
Francesca: You
know, maybe a nice hot tub bath would be the thing. The
reason I mention this is because we just got a new one at
our house and it is *perfect*--
Welsh:
Francesca. Why didn’t you just wait for the divers,
Constable?
Fraser: Well, I
was worried that the current would carry away the
evidence.
[
empties plastic bag onto the
desk] As
it was, I was only able to retrieve these things.
Hmm, fascinating. This is not a
standard detonation device. I believe it’s a computer
circuit board that’s been adapted for this nefarious
purpose.
Ray: Nefarious,
what-what...
Fraser: Uh,
demonic, evil, bad.
Ray: Yeah,
right.
[Welsh nods]
Fraser
: And this particular product appears to have been
manufactured by the ADMT Computer Corporation. Here’s a
serial number I think will prove very interesting.
Welsh: How did
this bottle get on the boat?
Ray: Dropped
off by a courier.
Fraser: It was
a special present for the alderman.
Welsh: Anyone
see that courier?
Ray: Yeah, but
they can’t remember what he looked like.
Francesca: Hey,
why don’t we get a couple of people in to look at some mug
snaps.
Ray: Mug snaps?
Francesca, it’s mug shots, *mug
shots.*
Stella: Is this
going to take much longer? I’m a little tired.
Ray: I’ll give
you a ride home.
Stella: I’ll go
with Frank.
Welsh: Uh, no,
I already sent him home with a blue and white to avoid
further incidents.
[
apartment building hallway; Stella & Kowalski
get off the elevator]
Stella: Thanks
for bringing me home, Ray. It, uh, it shook me up a
little.
Ray: A little?
Scared the hell out of
me.
Stella: Yeah.
Me, too.
[Stella starts to
put her hand to Kowalski’s cheek and pulls back]
Stella: Well.
Night.
Ray: I’ll walk
you to the door.
[Kowalski moves to
catch up]
Ray: Good to
see you again.
Stella:
Yeah.
Ray: So, do you
really like this guy?
Stella: You know, he’s nice. He’s, uh, he’s
smart, he’s charming, he’s...
Ray:
Jeez.
Stella:
What?
Ray: All of a
sudden, I, um... I, uh, don’t know how to talk to
you.
Stella: It’s
not all of a sudden, Ray. It took years.
Ray:
Yeah.
Stella: Do you,
uh... I mean, do you want to--
[indicates coming
inside]
Ray: Yeah, I
do. But...look, I don’t think that’s a-that’s a good idea,
because we might... Look, it just seems like the wrong
time.
Stella: Yeah.
Always is. Well, hey, maybe a
breakfast date sometime. You know, you, me, some
eggs over easy?
Ray: That’s a
kind of dumb idea, Stella. It’s like, uh... What?
Stella:
Nothing.
Ray: You
okay?
Stella: Never
better.
[
quick goodnight kiss]
Stella: Good
night.
[Stella goes inside
and closes door]
Ray: G-...good
night.
[Kowalski starts to
knock but leaves, walking back down the hallway]
Ray: I
suck.
[
walks away, turning back and then going out for
good]
[consulate]
[Fraser’s office;
night.
Fraser
is in bed, dressed in
longjohns; Dief asleep on the
floor, and there are sounds of hammering... Fraser walks
to office door and jerks it open -- no one’s there...
chainsaw sounds...Dief whines; Fraser moves to closet door
& opens it -- nothing is in there that shouldn’t be...
Fraser walks back over to office door and pulls it open --
Kowalski falls
in]
Fraser: How did
you get in here?
[Kowalski holds up
credit card]
Ray: Uh, don’t
leave home without it.
Fraser: It’s
four in the morning.
Ray: I know,
but we’ve got some investigating to do.
Fraser: Listen,
you didn’t by any chance hear something strange, did
you?
Ray: Like
what?
Fraser:
Chainsaws.
Ray: This is
Chicago, Fraser. The only time people use chainsaws is
when they’re trying to get rid of a body.
Fraser: Right
you are.
Ray: Look, I
got the match on the plates of that guy who hawked the
bottle at me.
[Fraser walks to
closet and opens the door]
Fraser: What do
you see?
Ray:
Nothing.
Fraser: Just
checking. I’ll get dressed.
Ray: I’ll
leave.
[sedan;
day]
Ray: This is
the address.
Fraser: Yes,
but I don’t think we want to park, Ray.
Ray: Well, how
else are we going to question this Joe Mendleson
character?
Fraser: We
could try following his car.
Ray: Good, uh,
thinking.
[
they follow a gray Cutlass
Ciera, then pull in behind it
as Mendleson gets out]
Ray: That’s the
guy from the fight the other day.
Fraser: That
makes sense. We know he had a reason to dislike
Reece.
Ray: And look
who’s here.
[
second car pulls up, and Fraser & Kowalski
recline car seats to get out of sight... they bring their
seats back up after it passes]
Fraser:
It’s
Orsini’s assistant.
Ray: I’ll bet
Orsini hired the guy to harass Reece.
Fraser: That’s
just pure speculation, Ray. Given your relationship with
the alderman I think it’s unlikely to be taken seriously
by the higher-ups.
[Jerry (the
assistant) gets back in his car to leave; Fraser &
Kowalski lower their car seats again to get out of
sight]
Ray: What
relationship?
Fraser: Your,
uh...thing. Your
relationship.
[
car passes, seats are raised again]
Ray: This is
great. This is greatness. I knew Orsini was dirty.
[Kowalski &
Fraser get out of the car]
Ray: Boom,
boom, boom. Let’s go pull this guy’s chain, Fraser.
[Fraser looks at the
Ciera as they pass, inspecting
the tires]
Ray: Come on,
Fraser, we don’t have time to go sniffing hubcaps.
Fraser:
Firestone steel-belted radials with an all-weather tread.
And a distinctive nick in the right rear tire.
Ray: What are
you saying? You’re saying this is the guy that shot at
Orsini?
Fraser:
Possibly.
Ray: But he
works for Orsini.
Fraser: That’s
right.
Ray: Oh great.
What, so we got the alderman on attempted suicide?
Fraser:
Inducement to suicide is still a crime in the state
of
Illinois
.
Ray: They got
the death penalty for that?
Fraser: Well, I
don’t imagine the death penalty would be effective
deterrent for a potential suicide.
Ray: Right, you
got a point there.
[27th
precinct; Welsh’s office]
Welsh:
[on
phone]
Yes,
sir.
[
hangs up]
[Welsh
knocks on his window to get
Kowalski’s attention]
Welsh:
[through
window]
That’s the third call from
the alderman, he wants to know where you are.
[Kowalski motions
that he can’t hear Welsh]
Welsh: That’s
the third call from the alderman. He wants to know where
you are.
[Kowalski walks to
glass]
Ray: Oh,
Fraser’s got that covered, like a blanket, he’s all over
it.
Welsh: Yeah,
but apparently he feels he deserves at least one official
member of this department.
[Kowalski’s phone
rings]
Ray: Hang on.
[
answers]
Huey?...You’re on it?
[Kowalski gives
Welsh thumbs-up, then signals ‘hey, not on me anymore’;
Welsh lowers his blinds]
[interrogation
room]
Mendleson: I
didn’t do anything.
Ray: Oh, he
threw a bottle at me and Damon Reece. That is assaulting a
police officer. And he attacked some protestors. So maybe
we’re thinking you’re working for Orsini.
Welsh: See,
this is a crucial point here, because if you’re working
for the alderman, we could consider you a small fish.
A small fish that might be able to be
thrown back into the water.
Ray: It’s his
word against yours, and who’s he going to believe?
Mendleson: I
want a lawyer.
Ray: Oh-oh,
there’s always the attempted murder of Orsini.
Mendleson:
No-no-no, I didn’t try to kill anybody!
[Kowalski and Welsh
laugh]
Welsh: Two
detectives just executed a search warrant on your
apartment. They found the gun.
Mendleson: That
was nothing. No-no-no, it was all nothing. It was just,
you know, PR.
Welsh: PR? You
do your PR work with a gun?
Mendleson:
Blanks, you know. It was an image thing, you know. It was
Orsini’s
idea, you know, the threats,
the shooting. It was all supposed to make Reece and his
idiots look bad. You know,
[snapping
fingers]
spin,
PR, politics.
Welsh
: Uh-huh. And what about the
bomb?
Mendleson:
No-no-no, I had nothing to do with that! That was
somebody--
Ray: Oh
yeah--
Mendleson: Hey,
you got to believe me, man!! Maybe Orsini set it up
somehow, but that just wasn’t me!
Welsh: What’s
in it for Orsini?
[Mendleson rubs
fingers together]
Welsh: Hmm,
moolah.
Ray: Cash
Welsh:
Geetus.
Ray:
Coin.
Welsh:
Dust.
[street; Fraser follows
Orisini & two Suits down
the sidewalk]
Man
: You’ll get it. We just need to grease a few more
wheels.
Jerry: We
better get it, we paid you plenty for that--
Orsini: Ah-ah,
just keep your voice down. That idiot behind us has ears
like a bat.
[Fraser tips his
hat]
[courthouse; Stella, assistant,
and Diane
leave]
Diane: I owe
you so much.
Stella: You’re
very welcome. Let’s do lunch this week.
Diane: Okay,
great.
Stella: Take
care, see you soon, bye-bye.
[
to
assistant]
Can you set up an appointment for me for Judge Bishop
early next week...
[Dwayne comes out of
courthouse, Diane passes Orsini on the stairs]
Diane: Mr.
Orsini!
Orsini:
Um...yeah.
[
obviously can’t remember who Diane is]
[Kowalski pulls up with lights and siren, Huey &
Dewey, too; Fraser joins
them]
Ray: Orsini! I
thought I’d find you here.
Orsini: About
time you showed.
Ray: Well, I
hope you accept my apologies. It took me a little while
to, uh, get the warrant.
Orsini:
Warrant?
Ray: For your
arrest.
Huey: If you’d
just come along, sir.
[Huey & Dewey
take Orsini away]
Orsini: This is
ridiculous, you can’t arrest me like this!
Dewey: Like
this? Would you like handcuffs? Guns,
perhaps?
Orsini: I want
to see a lawyer.
Stella: What
are the charges?
Ray: Fraud,
conspiracy, trying to blow up a boat for starters.
[
two Suits start to walk away]
Fraser: Ah,
gentlemen, excuse
me. I think
you can probably also help in this process. I believe you
will be able to explain how you got the wheels so
greasy.
Man: He was
right, like a bat!
Ray: Fraser,
it’s ‘how you grease the wheels.’
Fraser: Oh, how
you grease the wheel, that’s right. How you grease the
wheel. How you grease the wheel. Right, sorry.
[Fraser &
Kowalski pull away with 2 Suits in the back of the
car]
[27th
precinct]
Ray: You know,
Fraser, I thought by busting Orsini, it would feel better,
but...
Fraser: No,
Ray, you’re just experiencing PCS, Post Chase Syndrome.
There’s always an accompanying letdown.
Ray: Yeah, I
know. I should have popped him in the head when I had a
chance. Just--
[Welsh and Stella
walk out of the interrogation
room]
Welsh: They’re
all spilling their guts.
Stella: The
whole Manor Point Project is corrupt. And Frank’s right in
the middle of it.
Ray: Corrupt
politician? What a surprise.
Stella: It was
to me, Ray.
Fraser
: As it should be. You know, Ray, a cynical acceptance of
the betrayal of public trust, well, that’s the road to
ruin in a democracy.
[Kowalski &
Stella share a look; she starts to leave]
Ray: You want a
ride?
[
at the same time]
Stella : Yes, I do. Fraser: Yeah, thank you.
Fraser
: Oh, sorry!
[Kowalski leaves
with Stella]
Fraser: Well, I
suppose a brisk walk in the night air will do me
good.
Welsh: It’s
gotta be 20 blocks.
Fraser: I know,
but if I go the long way I’ll get some exercise.
[Frannie chases
after Kowalski]
Francesca: Ray!
Ray! *Ray!*
Fraser: Can I
help you, Francesca?
Francesca: You
want this?
[
hands over paper]
Fraser: What is
it?
Francesca: I
don’t know, it’s from some
computer place. Information on some serial numbers Ray
sent them.
Fraser: It’s
the detonator from the bomb.
Francesca:
Yeah, whatever.
Fraser: The
main circuit board came from a prototype.
Francesca: So
is that good?
Fraser: Well,
there were only three prototypes made, they never left the
factory. So it stands to reason that our bomber works at
the factory. Do you think you can get me a list of all the
employees?
Francesca:
Yeah, sure, Fraze.
Fraser: Thank
you kindly. Leftenant, did Alderman Orsini actually
confess to the bombing?
Welsh: No, he
said he had nothing to do with it.
Fraser: I’m
inclined to believe him.
Welsh:
Because?
Fraser: Well,
for one thing, if Ray and I hadn’t intervened, he’d have
been vaporized.
Welsh: Perhaps
he was counting on you to intervene.
Fraser:
Perhaps, but unlikely. I think actually we’re dealing with
another bomber.
[
apartment building hallway]
Ray: Uh, maybe
I should come in.
Stella: I don’t know, we’re dangerous.
Ray: That’s a
fact.
Stella: Okay,
for a few minutes.
[
they walk past Dwayne, whose back is
turned...]
[27th
precinct]
Francesca: Hey,
Fraze. I got that list you wanted.
Fraser: Thank
you kindly.
[
looks at
list] Oh
dear.
[
picks up the phone & dials]
[Stella’s apartment; phone
rings]
Stella: Well,
whoever it is can wait.
[Kowalski puts on a
CD. Music: “De Cara A La Pared” by
Lhasa
.]
Ray:
Mmph!
Stella
: Oh, not that again.
[
laughs]
[Kowalski dances
over to Stella]
Ray: Come
on.
[Stella &
Kowalski come together, but his shoulder holster gets in
the way]
Stella: You
need that?
[Kowalski pulls out
gun and sets it on the end table; they dance out onto the
balcony, under the moonlight]
Ray: Just like
the first night I met you. The most beautiful thing I’d
ever seen.
Stella: I was
12.
Ray: And I
wasn’t wearing my glasses because I was too vain.
Remember?
Stella:
Mm-hmm.
Ray: I could
stay the night.
Stella: You
could.
Ray: It’d be
perfect.
Stella: It
would be a mistake. You could stay, we could make love,
and it’d be great, like a thousand times before. But
tomorrow we’d be right back where we were this morning.
Maybe a couple more regrets.
Ray: I love
you.
Stella: I love
you, too. Always will. But you know I’m right.
Ray: No, but it
could be--
Stella: I
didn’t say you couldn’t stay.
Ray: Oh.
[
they kiss... knock
knock
knock]
Ray: Ignore
that.
Stella
: ‘kay.
[
they continue kissing; Fraser knocks on door
again]
Fraser: Ray,
Stella! I hate
to intrude, but I can hear the music, I know you’re in
there.
[knock knock knock]
Fraser
: Ray!
[Kowalski pulls the
door open]
Ray: Fraser,
this is the wrong moment for a visit. In fact, of all the
wrong moments for a visit, this is the
wrongest.
Fraser: No,
Ray, I know this is, and believe me, I understand. It’s
just that if Stella’s life were not at risk, you know that
I would--
Ray: Come on
in.
[Kowalski shuts
door in Fraser’s
face]
Fraser:
Ray!
[Kowalski pulls door
back open]
Ray: Sorry,
come on in.
[inside]
Fraser
: Dwayne Weston worked for ADMT Computers, which means
that the bomb was intended for Stella.
Ray: They’re
picking up Weston?
Fraser: They’re
looking for him now.
Ray: So we
should get Stella out of here before...
Fraser: My
thoughts exactly.
[Kowalski moves
toward his gun as Fraser and Stella head for the door;
Dwayne enters, brandishing pistol]
Dwayne: Get
back, back inside, stay back!
Stella: Ray!
Ray!
Ray: Drop the
gun.
Dwayne: Shut
up! I have to kill you all, now.
Ray: What do
you want?
Dwayne: Stay
back! I want my wife back!
[
places bomb on the
bar] She
turned my wife against me. She ruined everything. Once
she’s gone, everything will be the way it used to
be.
Ray: No, no,
you can’t erase it like that. The things that were said,
the things that weren’t said, when it’s over, it’s over.
You got to accept that, and live with it. That’s what you
gotta--
Dwayne: Shut
up!
Ray: No, you
shut up! That’s what--
[Fraser knocks the
gun from Dwayne & drops him to the floor; Kowalski
grabs the gun and puts it to Dwayne’s
chest]
Ray: Twitch, I
shoot you. Go ahead, twitch.
Stella: Ray,
the bomb, the bomb, the bomb!
[Fraser runs to the
bar]
Ray: Over!
[
flips Dwayne
over]
Hands behind your back.
Hands behind your back.
[Fraser takes bomb
out to the balcony, watching the timer]
Ray: Fraser,
what are you doing? Throw it!
Fraser:
Although it’s illegal, Ray, it’s not uncommon to see
frustrated fisherman resort to desperate measures to reach
their daily limit.
Ray: What are
you talking about?
Fraser: Well,
apparently in this method of fishing, timing is
everything.
Ray:
What?!
[Fraser watches
timer count down to 3 seconds; he tosses it up and away...
it explodes harmlessly]
[
hallway; police take Dwayne out of apartment in
cuffs; Stella & Kowalski stand in doorway hugging...
Stella kisses Kowalski on the cheek and goes inside,
shutting the door]
Ray: Maybe I
should go home.
Fraser: Stella
will be all right?
Ray: Yeah,
she’ll be just fine by herself.
[Kowalski &
Fraser walk down hallway]
Fraser: Want to
get something to eat?
Ray: Nah,
Fraser, I think I’d like to be alone.
Fraser: I
understand. You know, Ray, what you said to Weston about
not being able to go back, did you-did you mean
that?
Ray: Uh, no, I
was lying.
Fraser: Because
you had a gun pointed to your head?
Ray:
Yeah.
[Fraser turns left
down another hallway, Kowalski keeps going
on his own]
Fraser: Well,
you know, I understand, or as you might say, I
overstand...
[Kowalski turns left
down another hallway further down; Fraser realizes he’s
alone and steps back into the empty hallway and looks
around]
Fraser:
Huh.
[Fraser goes back
down his hallway]
[consulate]
[Fraser’s office;
Fraser is standing at his closet door where he can hear
someone singing (“Watching the Apples Grow” by Stan
Rogers); Thatcher walks in carrying a folder]
Thatcher:
Fraser. The results are in. All in
all, quite encouraging. Not surprisingly, my
psychological profile was rock solid. Turnbull’s mental
state, however, was likened to a block of Swiss cheese,
but that’s hardly news.
Fraser: And me,
sir?
Thatcher:
Acceptable.
Fraser: Well,
I’m relieved to hear that, sir. Um, you don’t by any
chance happen to hear somebody singing, do you?
[Thatcher turns and
walks out without comment]
Fraser:
[to
Dief]
You
know, there are times I wish you weren’t deaf.
[Dief yips; singing
resumes... Fraser puts his ear to the closet door, then
opens it: there is an office behind the clothes; Robert
Fraser sits at a
desk]
Robert Fraser:
Come on in. Shut the door, it’s
cold out there.
Fraser: In
actual fact, it’s 22 degrees Celsius.
Robert Fraser:
What’s that in real temperature?
Fraser: It’s
uh... How-how did... When....
What is this?
Robert Fraser:
It’s my office. And I haven’t been getting enough work
done, either.
Fraser: I
wasn’t aware you had work.
Robert Fraser:
Well, there you go, you haven’t been listening.
[Thatcher walks into
Fraser’s office; no one is there... she goes to leave, but
she hears voices and comes in to investigate]
Fraser : [muffled ] You know, Dad, since, uh...since you’re here, and you seem to be...
[Thatcher walks over to the closet &
listens]
Fraser: Did you
ever have a partner who needed your help, but you-you
didn’t know how to help him?
Robert Fraser:
Yeah. There was the time Clete
Brockelmeyer got stuck down a
40-foot crevasse and I only had a 20-foot rope. That the
kind of thing you’re talking about?
Fraser: No, no,
I was thinking more along the lines of trouble with, uh
[cracks
neck]
a woman.
[Robert Fraser
cracks neck, too, thinking]
Robert Fraser:
All right. We threw Snuffy
Briggs in a snowbank a couple
of times to cool his ardor. First time it didn’t work.
Second time he got pneumonia and it took him out of
circulation for a month.
[
grins]
Fraser: That’s
a great help, Dad.
Robert Fraser:
Good.
[Thatcher listens
intently]
Fraser:
[muffled
voice]
You
know, Dad, on another subject, just-just what kind
of--
[Thatcher opens door
to see Fraser standing alone in the closet... no
office]
Fraser: Perhaps
the tests need some refining.
Thatcher:
Perhaps.
[Kowalski’s
apartment.
Music:
“De Cara A La Pared” by
Lhasa
.
Kowalski paces the floor... dances by himself... remembers
dancing with Stella... paces... sits on the arm of a
chair, hanging his head...remembers kissing Stella...
leans against the
windowsill...]
End