Diefenbaker’s Day Off


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Doo Mah>

 

[Fraser’s apartment]

[Dief lies on the rug watching Fraser get ready for work]
Fraser: Now before I go to work, there’s something we have to discuss. We are no longer in the Yukon. This is a big city. And you can’t just run around freely anymore. Like it or not, you need a license. And I can’t seem to get a license for a wolf. [Dief mumbles]
    I’ve tried, but they just don’t issue them. Additionally, they have something here called Animal Control Officers whose specific job it is to take unattended animals off the street. [Dief grumbles]  No. No. You can’t take that attitude. These are hard-working civic employees who perform a fine service for the community and for the animals themselves. [Dief barks]  All right, occasionally they put them to sleep, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is, until we can work this out, you have to stay in the apartment while I’m gone. [Dief groans]  So it’s agreed. [Dief whines] Good. I’ll see you after work.
[Fraser stops and peeks through the keyhole: Dief is still in the same spot…but as soon as he walks away, Dief is out the window & down the fire escape]

[hallway]

Fraser : Morning, Mr. Mustafi. [slam] Mr. Campbell! [slam] Good morning, Mrs. Garcia. [slam]

 

[Dief makes it to the street & runs off]

 

[lobby; a woman approaches, arms full with groceries, a child, and a baby]

Fraser : Oh. May I help you?
Woman: Sure.
[he takes the bag, then the baby, who starts crying]

Fraser : Oh, very unhappy! Come on. [they go upstairs]  This floor is it? [she keeps going up]  Ah. No.

[he follows her up as Charlie exits his apartment on this floor]

Charlie : Come on, Sweetie, I’m gonna be late.
Lucy: Please, can I go with you?
Charlie: I already told you, Daddy’s got to go to work today.
Lucy: I’ll be very quiet.
Charlie: I know you will, but you got school. Hey. Who’s the toughest guy in the whole wide world?
Lucy: You are.
Charlie: And who can stop me from coming home to you?
Lucy: Nobody.
Charlie: And what would I do if any of ‘em tried?
Lucy: Upper cut. Hook. Poke ‘em in the eyes!
Charlie: That’s right. Now you got your lunch all packed, right?

Lucy : Yep.

Charlie : Now do you promise to wait upstairs until the bus comes?

[she nods; he kisses her, then goes downstairs, and stops] 

Charlie : I’ll see you tonight, killer.

[she sits to wait on the steps, and Fraser passes her on his way down]
Fraser: Good morning, Lucy.
Lucy: You know my name?
Fraser: All the pretty girls are named Lucy.
Lucy: It’s on my lunchbox.
Fraser: Ah! You found me out.
Lucy: Are you a policeman?
Fraser: Well yes, I am. But in Canada. And at the consulate where I work. But outside the consulate I’m not. Unless I’m in Canada. That’s not very clear. Um. Do you know what a Liaison Officer is? No, of course you don’t. A Liaison Officer is, uh--
Lucy: Policemen help people, right?
Fraser: Well yes, we try.
Lucy: Can you help my dad? He keeps on hurting himself.
Fraser: He does? Where is he?
Lucy: C’mere.
  [they go to the window & she points him out]  That’s him.
Fraser: What’s his name?
Lucy: Dad.
Fraser: Well yes, it would be. You know, actually Lucy, I’m on my way to work right now…You know what? I can spare you a few minutes.
Lucy: You’ll help him?
Fraser: I’ll help him.
Lucy: Thanks.
[Fraser exits the building, Dief watches him go, then follows behind at a distance]
Lady on Street: [to Dief]
  Hello, Whitey. Here’s your cookie. [fishes in purse for treat]

[street; Charlie crosses, oblivious of a BMW bearing down on him; Fraser tackles him]
Charlie: What are you doing?
Fraser: Oh. I’m sorry. Benton Fraser, RMCP.
Charlie: You’re a Mountie?
Fraser: Yes.
Charlie: Where’d you come from?
Fraser: Apartment 3-J. Are you all right? [pulls Charlie up]
Charlie: Yeah., yeah, sure, I’m fine. Guess I should watch what I’m doing, huh?
Fraser: Stop, look, listen. It’s a simple motto but one worth adhering to.
Charlie: All right, I gotta go. Thanks, huh? [exits]
Fraser: Perhaps we can talk again another time. [checks watch]
  Oh. 

[heads off in the other direction from Charlie]
Fraser: [to bystander]
  Morning.
[screech of tires…metallic thump…a woman screams; Fraser runs to where Charlie is now lying motionless in the street, surrounded by people]
Driver: He stepped right out in front of me – I couldn’t stop!

[clinic; Fraser carries Charlie over his shoulder into the reception area]
Fraser : Harper Medical Clinic? Now, you sure about this?  Because I can have you in an emergency room in less than--
Charlie: I wanna see my doctor. Dr. Howard.
Nurse: Right this way.

[another nurse (Mackenzie King) watches, suspicious]

 

[clinic corridor; Fraser is waiting]
Dr. Howard: Constable Fraser. I hear you’re quite the good Samaritan.
  I didn’t know we had any left in this town.
Fraser: Well, I’m sure any one of his neighbors would have done the same.
Dr. Howard: Yeah. Well, Mr. Pike has suffered considerable soft tissue damage, but none of his injuries are life-threatening.
Fraser: Thank you. Oh, excuse me, Dr. Howard. Is there any medical reason why Charlie might be prone to these accidents? Perhaps an inner ear imbalance resulting from an old boxing injury?
Dr. Howard: How did you know Charlie was a boxer?
Fraser: Well, his nose cartilage has been reduced by almost 80%, and his left eye socket is raised about a half a centimeter above the right, indicating a slight shift in the cranial plates.
Dr. Howard: Where did you study?
Fraser: The
Inuvik Public Library. My grandparents were librarians.
Dr. Howard: You’re kidding.
Fraser: No.
Dr. Howard: Well, you’re quite correct. Uh, judging from today, perhaps Charlie’s taken one too many blows to the head.
Fraser: I see. Will you be releasing him soon?
Dr. Howard: Well, if there’s no concussion, he should be home by this afternoon.
Fraser: And the bill?
Dr. Howard: Well. you must have inspired me Constable. This one’s on me.

 

[reception desk]

Driver : I just hit a guy. Look, I know you have rules, but can’t you just tell me if he’s OK?
Nurse: Just a moment.
Fraser: Pardon me, is there a payphone?
Nurse: Down there.
Fraser: Thank you kindly. Sorry.
Nurse: I told you sir, if you’ll just leave you name and phone number, someone will contact you. [he puts a business card on the counter]

[Fraser dials a payphone, and King watches again, suspicious]

[bar]
Ray: Cranberry club soda, wedge of lemon.
Bartender: Sure you can handle that?
Ray: What are you, a comedian? [cell phone rings] Ma, I can’t talk I’m on a stakeout.
Fraser: Uh, Ray?
Ray: Benny! Benny, you gotta get down here right away. The Bears are finally kicking some butt!
Fraser: Ray, I need your help with something. I’m having a bit of a problem getting a license for Diefenbaker, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s a wolf or just because he’s deaf.
Ray: [watching game]
  Yes! Yes!
Fraser: Then you think you can help me?
Ray: What?
Fraser: With the license. Of course, I wouldn’t want you to use your influence unduly.
Ray: Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure. Just leave it to me.
Fraser: Okay. [nurse rounds a corner and drops an x-ray]
  Uh, Miss! Thanks, Ray. [hangs up]  Miss! Miss!

[parking lot; King pulls x-rays out of nurse’s uniform & changes clothes in her convertible; Fraser approaches just as she is lifting her shirt over her head]
Fraser:
Excu -- Oh-oh! [turns away] I’m-I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t-I didn’t mean to--
Mackenzie King: Are you following me?
Fraser: No. Well, yes, I am, but I’m not trying to--
King: I think men who skulk around after women are the lowest scum on the earth, don’t you?
Fraser: Well, yes I-I suppose they are, but I’m- you see, I’m-I’m-
King: How did you know where to bring him?
Fraser: You mean Charlie?
King: Friend of yours is he?
Fraser: Uh, no. No, I just- I met him at the accident site. Well, at the accident site before that.
King: So you do this a lot, then.

[Fraser turns back]
Fraser: By this you mean…?
King: Would you spell your name for me please?
Fraser: Uh, certainly. B-E-N-T-O--

[she sees the other nurse and a cop/security guard exit the clinic, looking around]
King: You’re a very interesting person, Bento. I’d like to see more of you.
Fraser: Um, no that’s Benton. [she starts her car & revs]
  Benton Fraser.
King: How ‘bout dinner tonight?
Fraser: Dinner. Well I’d love to, but I-I have a dog.
King: Got a good suit?
Fraser: Two, actually.
King: Lakeshore Room, eight o’clock. Wear the suit, leave the dog. [speeds away]
Fraser: Oh dear.

 

[fenced-in park right next door; children playing; Dief slides down a slide & yips; Fraser sniffs, thoughtfully, then shakes his head]

[newsroom]
Warren: [answering phone]
  Mackenzie King’s desk…No, she’s not. Call back… Mackenzie King’s desk.
King: I got the story, Warren. I got it! You’re sweating on my phone. [into phone]
  Hey, call back. [hangs up]  Any messages?
Warren: I send you to a press conference, you come back with x-rays. Why am I confused?
King: Take a look at these obituaries. James T. Ryan, Carlos Escobar, Lewis
Wendowski. What do they all have in common?
Warren: None of them covered the press conference?
King: They’re all dead prize fighters, Warren. All died in automobile accidents in the last eight months. All the death certificates signed by the same doctor. And if you think that doesn’t stink, take a whiff of this. There’s a Mountie involved.
Warren: A what?
King: [laughing]
  Honest to God! Big hat, sweet little grin, crooked as they come.
Warren: A crooked Mountie? You’re bringing me a crooked Mountie?! Look-look. Mackenzie, I know you hate cops. All of Chicago knows you hate cops. But I am not printing any more retractions. You-you keep making accusations about police corruption you can’t prove, you’re gonna get yourself suspended again. Or fired.
King: Okay, so I screwed up last time! Look, it changed me. I spent three months in a dark apartment, Warren, with a Persian cat under one arm and a tub of Cherry Swirl in the other. I’ve been to hell and back in a flannel nightgown, Warren, and so help me God, I will never wear flannel again. This time, I nail ‘em dirty. Tonight, eight o’clock, his little Canadian butt is mine.
[phone rings]

King : Could you get that? Thanks.


[Fraser’s apartment building; night. Dief climbs up fire escape, Fraser walks up stairs, with groceries]
Fraser: Evening, Mrs. Garcia. How are you tonight? [slam] Evening, Mrs. Campbell. [slam]

[he enters his apartment]

Fraser : I brought you supper. [Dief is lying in the same spot on the rug]  Oh you know, I was hoping to, uh, be able to spend some time with you this evening, but, uh, I have a dinner engagement with a very nice woman that I met in a parking lot. And I can’t cancel it because I don’t know her phone number. Or her name for that matter. No, it’s not what you’re thinking. It isn’t. And you know something? I-I-I don’t appreciate your attitude. Y-y-y-you’re very judgmental. Just because you were right once does not make you infallible. I am perfectly capable of handling myself in any situation. I am. I am a Mountie. [puts milk into the cabinet]

 

[Music: ‘American Woman’ by The Guess Who. Fraser and King both get ready for their date; she straps a tape recorder to her waist, he ends up taking both corsages… And as soon as Fraser walks out the door, Dief is out the window again]

[Lakeshore Room, lobby; Fraser is pacing]
Manager: [answering phone] Lakeshore Room.
Fraser: Excuse me. Has a--

Maitre d’ : Woman called to say she’d be late? No.
Fraser: You sure? Because it’s-it’s uh, ten after eight--
Maitre d’: This would be the woman with no name?
Fraser: Well, I’m sure she has a name, I’m just not sure what... I’ll keep waiting.
Wife: That was such a wonderful meal.
Husband: Very good, wasn’t it. Careful where you step, darling.
[Fraser holds door open for couple]

Fraser : Evening.

Wife : Good evening.
Husband: Ah yes. Thank you, young man.

[he tips Fraser, who wants to object, but the man has already gone; King arrives, and Fraser opens the door for her; she restrains a laugh when she sees his bright red serge uniform]
King: Been waiting long?
Fraser: Actually yes, but I seem to have profited by it. May I just say you look--
King: Thanks. That’s your good suit?
Fraser: Oh, I knew I should’ve worn the other one. You know, if-if we have a couple of minutes I could run home right now.
King: No, you’re fine. A little red. But fine
Fraser: Um, this is for you.
King: A wrist corsage?
Fraser: Well, actually two.
King: You want me to wear them on both wrists?
Fraser: I forgot to ask what color of dress you’d be wearing.

[she’s a little overwhelmed]
King: Reservation for two, please. Mackenzie King.
Maitre d’: Right this way, Miss King.
Fraser: Your name, you wouldn’t be related to--
King: No.
Fraser: No. Of course you wouldn’t.

 

[at the table; Fraser is trying to cut into his lobster with a fork and butter knife]
King: So you live in the same building, you and Charlie, and you started talking…
Fraser: Well actually, his daughter asked me to help him.
King: The way she looked at you, you just couldn’t refuse.
Fraser: Well, she had these sad eyes--
King: Don’t they all.
Fraser: Do you mind if I uh-- [holds up boot knife]
King: Go for it.

[Fraser saws through the lobster shell]

King : You and Charlie make quite the team.
Fraser: By-by team you mean…?
King: He falls under cars, you save him.
Fraser: Well, he does seem to have a few--
King: How much do you make?
Fraser: Me? Well, it’s in Canadian funds, so you have to deduct 38 percent but, uh--
King: Enough.
Fraser: About myself. Absolutely. Consular work is pretty dull. Although there was this one passport case--
King: Wait a minute. You work at the consulate?
Fraser: Well, yes. That’s why I’m paid in Canadian funds. It’s some-it’s an odd governmental regulation.
King: So now you’re denying you work with Charlie?
Fraser: With Charlie? No. No, I could never be a professional boxer. I mean in high school, I--
King: I saw you bring him in. Are you telling me you don’t feed patients to the clinic, you’re not involved in this million dollar insurance scam? You’re just this straight-arrow, do-
gooding Mountie out to help the little guy? Tell me why I find that hard to believe.
Fraser: Well, I understand your skepticism. Appearances can be deceiving. I mean for example, you’re a nurse, yet you wear extremely high heels to work, which indicates either you haven’t been a nurse for very long, or you have remarkable arches. Also the way you hold your wrists suggests you spend many hours at a computer keyboard. And add to that the slight crick in your neck, which indicates extended phone usage, and the minute traces of printer’s ink under your three-quarter-inch nails which, by the way, must make bandaging quite a challenge. And a less trusting person might assume that you weren’t a nurse at tall. A less trusting person might assume that you work, say, for a newspaper. But then appearances can be deceiving.
King: And you’ve known this since…?
Fraser: The parking lot. Also you should check your tape recorders. I think either your battery is leaking or some liquid has spilled into the motor. From the smell of it I would say -- [sniffs] --mace.
King: So you just came along for the free meal and the amusement of watching me make a fool out of myself?
Fraser: No. No, I think Charlie’s in trouble and I thought maybe you could tell me something that would help.
King: You’re trying to get information from me? Forget it!
Fraser: I understand. You’ve already been a great help.
King: I’ve-- No appetite, all of a sudden. [stands up & walks away]
Fraser: Can I at least walk you home?
King: Walk me home?! He wants to walk me home.
Fraser: Well, I thought it was expected.
King: Oh yeah? What else did you expect?
Fraser: Well, nothing. I mean, I don’t-- No, I--
King: You want to do something for me? You get Charlie to talk to me on the record.
Fraser: If Charlie is in trouble what he needs is help, not an interview.
King: Then all you’re getting out of this date is the check.
[she shoves the check into his chest & storms off]
Fraser: I-- [to waiter]
  Do you happen to know the current exchange rate?

 

[street outside Fraser’s building]
Fraser: [to couple] Good evening.

[Fraser’s apartment building; Fraser is checking mail and overhears…]
Charlie: I told you it ain’t enough. I cannot live on what you bastards pay me.
Irish Thug: Two hundred’s what you agreed to. Two hundred’s what you’re gonna get.
Charlie: For two hundred dollars, I can’t even pay my stinking rent. Listen. You want me to keep taking dives, you better make it worth my while.
Irish Thug: You wouldn’t be threatening me would you, Charlie? Cause that wouldn’t be healthy.
Charlie: No. I’m not threatening you. But I have a child to support.
Irish Thug: It’s not my problem, and count yourself lucky. It doesn’t take a lot of skill to fall under a car. [exits]
Fraser: Evening.
Charlie: Yeah,
hiya.
Fraser: Excuse me, but I couldn’t help overhearing that--
Charlie: You heard that? You know something, pal? You better start learning to mind your own business.
Fraser: Well actually, your daughter asked me to--
Charlie: You don’t know nothing about me, and you don’t know anything about my daughter. So just back off.
Fraser: I know you’re in trouble and if I can, I’d like to help.
Charlie: That’s easy. Stay away from me and stay away from my daughter. [exits]

[Lucy has overheard them]
Fraser: Hi. You know, Lucy, your father...he has a good heart. He’s a good man.
Lucy: It’s okay. I understand. Can’t help everybody.
Fraser: Lucy. I, uh...
Lucy: It’s like the doctors. They tried, but they couldn’t help my mom. It’s okay.

[27th precinct; break room]
Ray: Okay, I’m on the edge of my seat. What’s this huge moral dilemma you’re carrying on your shoulders?
Fraser: I’ve given my word to a girl.
Ray: Fraser, you do not have to marry every girl that you meet.
Fraser: Oh no, it’s-- She’s a very young girl.
Ray: Well then, you do have a problem.
Fraser: No, I mean she’s a little girl, Ray. She’s six years old. She’s very sweet. She’s asked me to help her father.
[Vecchio sneers nose at just-purchased coffee]

Ray : I can see you’re making those minute adjustments to bring out the flavor, Hugo.  [pours coffee into the garbage]
Hugo: Chamomile, right? [hands Fraser a mug]
Fraser: Thank you, Hugo. Now I’ve discovered that her father is doing something illegal.
Ray: So what’s the dilemma?
  We bust him.
Fraser: Then I’d be breaking my word to the little girl.
Ray: And this gives you a problem.
Fraser: Yes.
Ray: Oh.
Fraser: And if I don’t turn him in, then I’m withholding evidence of a crime.
Ray: Very good, Benny. You can go to the head of the class.
Fraser: So I’ve given it some thought and I’ve come up with the only-only logical solution. You have to arrest me.
Ray: For what?
Fraser: I can’t tell you that.
Ray: Well, then I’m not gonna arrest you.
Fraser: But you have to.
Ray: Well, I’m not.
Fraser: You have to!
Ray: Oh, I’m not!
Fraser: You have to!

[they move into the corridor]
Ray: Uh, this guy, the dad, just how illegal is this activity he’s involved in?
Fraser: It’s serious. But he’s not the one who’s really profiting from it. In fact, he stands to lose more than he’s made.
Ray: So if you and I can get the bigger fish, maybe we can let the little girl’s dad slide on this one.
Fraser: Is this legal?
Ray: Would I be offering it to you if it wasn’t? [pause] Yes, it’s legal! Now tell me everything you know.
Fraser: You won’t use it against the man in question?
Ray: On my word as a transvestite.
Fraser: What’s that, Ray?
Ray: It’s a Chicago thing.
Fraser: Ah.

[street]
Ray: Okay, so how you know the guy who paid Charlie’s a fighter?
Fraser: His wrists. They were completely hairless, indicating he wears gloves that are tied tightly in a constant use.
Ray: So we’re tracking a guy with hairless wrists.
Fraser: Also, the second knuckle of each hand is slightly lower than the others. His jaw clicks slightly when he spoke indicating a fractured mandible. And his eyes had shifted downward and laterally in their sockets, caused, no doubt, by repeated blows to the
zygomatic arch.
Ray: Okay, that I’ll buy, but how’d you know he worked out in this gym?
Fraser: It was written on his T-shirt.
Ray: You couldn’t have said that in the first place? You had to go through the hairless wrists and the fractured mandibles?!
Fraser: I’m sorry, Ray.
Ray: Aw, man!

 

[Dief sits on street, watching the animal control van pass by; driver spots him and Dief takes off, Animal Control officer right behind him]

[inside gym; many men are working out]
Fraser: I don’t see him. Perhaps if we gave out a description?
Ray: [scoffs]
  Look, why don’t you leave this to me. You see, I’ve been hanging out in joints like this since I was a kid. There’s a certain way to talk to these types. [clears throat at man, holding up a bill]  What’s it gonna cost to work out for a little while?
Man: [shrugs]
  Maybe your life?
Ray: Just gimme a towel.

[in ring, to his opponent]
Ray: So I figure, kill a guy or not, sooner or later I gotta get back in the ring. Still I’m finding it hard trying to make ends meet, training all the time like this. How do you do it? [knocked out with one punch]

[in ring, to his opponent]

Fraser : Now you’ll have to refresh my memory on the American rules because I know there’s some subtle differences from ours. [dodges a charge]  Ah, you see right there. That would have been disallowed under the Canadian system. [dodges a below-the-belt punch]  As would have that. I wonder while we’re boxing if you’d mind answering a few questions. [ducks a charge, and flips the guy through the ropes]  Ah, now I believe that was my fault.
[to next opponent]
Fraser: Approximately 6 feet tall. [dodges punch] With a deviated mandible. [dodges punch]
  And a noticeably fractured zygomatic arch. [ducks a roundhouse right, then punches the guy squarely, and he goes down]  Oh.

 

[locker room; trainer is tending to Fraser’s first opponent; Fraser tends to the second; Vecchio holds a bag of ice to his face]
Boxer 2: Ow!
Fraser: Sorry.
Trainer: Your old man taught you how to box like that?
Fraser: My grandmother, actually. Although I’m beginning to suspect that the book she used was somewhat outdated.
Trainer: Spit. [Boxer 1 spits]
  Not on the floor!
Fraser: You were saying about Charlie?
Trainer: Yeah. I knew him. Used to train here, ‘til he gave it up last year. Bring in his little girl when he couldn’t get a sitter.
Ray: But you haven’t seen him around since?
Trainer: ‘
Fraid not. Though...
Ray: Yeah?
Trainer: I don’t know, I heard he was in trouble, that’s all. Nothing strange about that. Half the guys in here spend their summers in the joint.
Fraser: Well, if you hear anything else, we’d appreciated you giving Detective Vecchio a call.
Trainer: I got the card.
Fraser: Thank you kindly.

Ray : [hands icepack to Boxer 1]  You’re probably going to need this more than me.  [aside] Your grandmother?
Fraser: Yes.
Ray: You think I can get a copy of that book?

[street outside gym]

Fraser : He’s in on it.
Ray: Who?
Fraser: The trainer.
Ray: How do you know?
Fraser: You’ll get upset.
Ray: No, I won’t!
  Just enlighten me as to how in the span of a two-minute conversation, you figured out that this guy’s a criminal.
Fraser: You’re sure?
Ray: Yeah, I’m sure.
Fraser: All right. Spittle.
Ray: Spittle?
Fraser: During the course of our conversation, he tried to spit several times but he couldn’t because his mouth was too dry which would indicate that he’s lying.
Ray: So let me get this straight. This is what they do in the Yukon, they arrest everybody who doesn’t drool?

 

[back room of gym]

Dr. Howard : So?
Trainer: Looks like Charlie made some new friends.
Dr. Howard: Too bad. Try to help somebody, he just ends up hurting himself.

[trainer dials phone…]

[Charlie’s apartment/back room of gym]
Charlie : [answering phone]  Yeah.
Trainer: Charlie. Can you do it right away? It’s a trucking company. Driver’s in on it. We can go five hundred this time.
Charlie: Yeah, except my daughter’s not home from school yet. I have to wait until she--
Trainer: No time, guy. I’ll get someone else.
Charlie: No-no-no-no. Listen, uh, I’ll do it, I’ll do it. Where?
Trainer: Be on the corner of Haskell and Commerce. 3:45…You’re okay, Charlie. [hangs up]
Irish Thug: You need me?
Trainer: Charlie’s gonna meet with an accident.

Irish Thug : Such a shame. I always liked Charlie.

[roof; Vecchio & Fraser (with his telescope) watch the thugs’ conversation]
Fraser: They’re going to kill Charlie.
Ray: You gotta teach me how to do that, with the lips.

[Fraser moves to climb down the side of the building]

Ray : Hey-hey-hey, the stairs are right over there?
Fraser: Oh, sorry.


[Riv; Mackenzie King is waiting in the backseat]
King: I had a change of heart and decided to see you again.
Ray: [to Fraser] They’re following you around town now?
Fraser: You’ll have to get out of the car, Miss King.
King: Mackenzie. [to Vecchio] So what do you know?
Ray: Mackenzie King? The one who wrote that crap about corruption down at division? Get the hell out of my car!
King: Yeah, and I got it wrong, ‘cause I trusted a cop.
Ray: Tell you something about cops--
Fraser: Ray! We have to go.
Ray: Not ‘til she’s out of my car!
Fraser: If I asked you politely?
King: Yeah, that’d do it.
Fraser: Ray. We’ll miss ‘em.
Ray: All right, I’m driving, okay? I’m driving.
[Vecchio peels out and zooms through an intersection]

Fraser : That was a stop sign, Ray.
[Vecchio zooms through another intersection]

Fraser : That was another stop sign, Ray.

[Charlie exits the apartment building and walks down the street; Vecchio pulls up, Fraser is getting out when King spots him…]

King : There!

[Vecchio takes off after him]
Fraser: Take a left up ahead.
[they do, right into…a construction site]

King : Go around!
Ray: On the sidewalk??
  Oh yeah, you’d love that. ‘Maniac Detective Slaughters Pedestrians’!
Fraser: Stay in the car.

[Fraser runs over, climbs onto crane cab]
Fraser: May I?
Crane Operator: Sure, go ahead.
Fraser: Thank you kindly.

[Fraser begins to climb to the top of the crane]

 

[Riv]
King: You got a camera?
Ray: Get out of my car!

[top of crane; Fraser spots Charlie walking a few blocks away]

Fraser : Follow me!

[rappels down crane wire; lands to applause from crowd of bystanders; runs off]

 

[Charlie makes it to the specified corner a little early; walks to nearby payphone & dials…the phone rings in Charlie’s apartment just as Lucy enters; Charlie sees the dump truck coming, and hangs up…]
Lucy: [answers] Hello? [dial tone]

 

[Charlie wanders out into the street…the truck speeds up…Fraser tackles him to the sidewalk, and the truck screeches to a halt]

Charlie : You again? Get out of here!

[the truck is backing up fast, right towards them]
Fraser: Run.

[they do; the truck runs over the payphone, and Fraser throws Charlie out of the way, just in time, shattering a window, and knocking him out…the truck speeds off just as Mackenzie and Vecchio arrive at the scene]

[hospital]
Doctor: This man was boxing? He shouldn’t even be breathing. When is the last time he saw a doctor?
Fraser: I believe yesterday.
Doctor: Then he’d better get a second opinion. See these old hairline cracks? One more blow to the head and it’ll be his last.

[street; getting ice cream]
King: It’ll be okay. I told your dad I’d take real good care of you, okay? As soon as they get his woozy head all fixed up at the hospital,
Fraser’ll bring him right home.
Lucy: I think they call it a concussion.
King: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, some people do.

[Fraser’s apartment building, stairwell]

Lucy : I wish Fraser was my daddy.
King: Well, Fraser’s a real brave guy. But your daddy’s the bravest guy I know.
Lucy: Why?
King: Well, cause he is, that’s all.
Lucy: But he’s doing bad things, and I don’t call that brave.
King: Sometimes being brave means knowing you have to do something and just doing it. No matter what happens.

[they enter Charlie’s apartment]
Dr. Howard: Come in. Nurse.

[several goons (the boxers?) are waiting in the living room, and Trainer blocks the door]

[hospital]
Charlie: What are you, nuts? I ain’t talking to no DA.
Fraser: Detective Vecchio assures me you won’t be prosecuted, and if you need protection we can--
Charlie: I can take care of myself. Just leave me alone, all right?
Fraser: You know Charlie, when I was thirteen years old, I found a caribou trapped on a mountainside. I tried to coax him down, but his fear of me only drove him higher. By the time he’d let me near enough to him, he was so weak from the cold I couldn’t save him. And he died on that ledge.
Charlie: You think I’m afraid of these guys?
Fraser: No, I don’t. I think you’re afraid of something else.
Charlie: If my name gets in the papers, or on TV, Lucy’s gonna know about me. She thinks I’m a boxer. A great boxer. She finds out what I do for a living.... Look. All I got in my life is the way that she looks at me. That is all I got, that is all that I need. If I ever lose that....
Fraser: She’ll understand, Charlie. Trust me.
Nurse: Excuse me, guys. You Fraser? Telephone. At the nurses station.
Fraser: Thank you kindly.
Nurse: You got one too. This man called. He said to tell you that he’s taking care of your little girl for you. He said that you’d know who. Guess he didn’t want you to worry.

[clinic]
Ray: I’m saying the place is totally cleared out. Files, medical records, everything.
Fraser: And Howard?
Ray: By now, probably on a beach in Costa Rica. Want me to pick you up?

[Fraser sees that Charlie is gone]

Ray : Fraser? Don’t do this to me. Fraser!

[Charlie’s apartment; Charlie bursts in & two thugs grab him]
Lucy: Daddy!
Charlie: You touch her, so help me God I’m going to kill you!
Trainer: Hey Charlie. You come with us, nothing’s gonna happen to her.
Dr. Howard: Sorry, Charlie. We just can’t have you talking.
[hug goes to the door and Fraser punches him & takes his gun]

Fraser : You won’t be needing this.
[scuffle & fighting; Dr. Howard carries Lucy out the door]

Fraser : Charlie!

Lucy : Help!

[King gets loose and maces a thug in the face; Charlie gets free & runs after Lucy; another thug punches Mackenzie in the face]

King : Nice.

[Fraser pushes a third thug out the window and into the alley…]

[alley…Dief watches the scuffle, as the Animal Control truck drives up]
Dog Catcher: Gotcha!

[Dief jumps through the open doors and over the guy’s lap, and out the other side]

 

[street; Dr. Howard exits just as Vecchio drives up, siren blaring, and crashes into the getaway car]
Ray: [holding his neck] Jeez!

 

[alley]

Lucy : Daddy! Let me go!

[Dr. Howard pushes Lucy into the now-abandoned Animal Control vehicle & drives away; Charlie gives chase on foot]
Lucy: Let me go!! Daddy!

[Dr. Howard pushes Lucy out…and Charlie catches her]

Charlie : Gotcha!
[Charlie runs ahead of the van, carrying Lucy, and ends up in a dead-end alley]

Fraser : [from roof]  Charlie!

[Charlie throws Lucy up…Fraser catches her…and the van crashes hard against the cement wall]
Lucy: [from roof]
  Daddy!
[the dust settles…Charlie rolls out from underneath the van, stand up & smiles]

Lucy : Daddy!
Charlie: Hey, I’m a professional.

[Vecchio arrives; he pulls Dr. Howard from the van, and handcuffs him to the door; Lucy runs down into her father’s arms]

Charlie : I’m okay. Hey. Who’s the toughest guy in the whole wide world?
Lucy: You are.
Charlie: And who could stop me coming home to you?
Lucy: Nobody.
Charlie: And what would I do it any of ‘em tried?
Lucy: Upper cut, hook, poke him in the eye.
Charlie: Damn straight.
[Dief barks; Dog Catcher sneaks up behind him & slips on a noose]

Dog Catcher : I gotcha! Where you going now, fella?
Fraser: Hi. Diefenbaker, remember what I told you. Benton Fraser RCMP, and this is my dog. Uh, wolf.
Dog Catcher: I thought that was a wolf. Well, he’s mine now, cause you sure as hell don’t have a wolf license.
Ray: In fact he does.
Dog Catcher
  You can’t have this. It doesn’t exist. It never did!
Ray: Signed by the mayor himself. Special dispensation. Now unhand that wolf. [he does]
Dog Catcher: Look what you did to my van. [exits]
Fraser: You got it! I only asked you once, and you got it!
Ray: Of course I got it. You asked me for it, right?
Fraser: From the mayor himself?
Ray: Well no, not exactly. You see, I didn’t want to bother him, so what I did was, I Xeroxed a dog license and I put in ‘wolf.’
  Wonderful things, photocopiers, huh?

[Vecchio exits; Fraser wants to protest, but…]
Ray: [voice]
  Hey, Dr. Quack! Get your hands off of that!

[later; cops on scene, rounding up all the thugs]
Ray: Here, take this scum off the street. [places Dr. Howard in the back of a car]
  Oh, and, uh, one more thing: for a neck spasm is that hot or cold?
Fraser: I see you got your story.
King: Are you kidding? There’s going to be a bidding war over this baby.
Fraser: And Lucy’s father, will you be mentioning him in your article?
King: Look, Fraser. I don’t want to see Lucy get hurt anymore than you do. But if there’s one thing I’ve had to learn, it’s that people’s feelings aren’t as important as the facts.
Fraser: You know when I was thirteen years old, I found a caribou on a… No, that’s not gonna work.
Lucy: Fraser.

Fraser : Lucy.

Lucy : You don’t have to help my dad anymore. [to King]  You were right. He is the bravest man in the whole world.

[Lucy runs into her dad’s arms; King crumples up paper. Music: ‘American Woman’]
King: [as she walks away]
  You know, you’re a really bad influence on me, Bento.
Fraser: I’ll be seeing you.
King: Yeah in your dreams.

[Mackenzie King’s bedroom; in bed, pondering, putting on both corsages]
King: I wonder if he’s here legally.


End
 

 

Main Index

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

Season 4

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