It’s so cold – must be forty below tonight.   My feet are numb.   I can’t feel my hands, either.   But this isn’t such a bad way to go.   The sky is clear, and I have a perfect view of the Lights from this vantage point.

 

Everything is taken care of - nothing left to worry about now.   If I can just keep from thinking about it, I’ll be fine.   I had a really good run, didn’t I?   I’ve had adventures, and I’ve done a lot of good for a lot of people. But since you were...since what happened, nothing matters anymore.   Now there is only pain.   Too much pain.   And you’re not here to help me through it.   I’m all alone.

 

Ray – god, I miss you so much.   I never knew how much I could love until you came.   You didn’t even know you taught me that, did you?   I couldn’t talk to you about it, of course.   You know me – reticent even in the best of times.   But you loved me, despite everything – how I pushed you away, how inconsistent I could be, how rocky it was for us until we got everything worked out.   You loved me anyway.   I loved you too.   I still love you.   I...can’t bear to live without you anymore.

 

I want to be with you again, Ray.   I don’t know what comes after this.   You know I was never a religious man, but being alone has made me one.   I pray every day, and this was the only answer that came, the only way out of the pain that I could see.   Dad never mentioned much about what being a ghost was actually like.   But the thought that there might be something better than this – it’s why I’m here.   It has to be better than this.  

 

I’ve stopped shivering now, so I know it’s close.   And even if I wanted to go back now, I don’t think I could.   It’s too far and I just want to rest here.   Maybe go to sleep.   I’ll just imagine that I’m in your arms, and everything will be fine.

 

It’s funny.   I always warned people to protect themselves from the cold or face dreadful consequences, but I guess it doesn’t matter when it’s intentional.  

 

Ray, my love - I’ll be with you soon.

 

 

THE END