DUE SOUTH

Fraser:  My name is Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father, and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I have remained, attached as liaison officer with the Canadian Consulate.

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Fraser: Thank you kindly.

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Fraser: It was an otter, I was ten, it was dead, someone hit me with it. Can we move on?

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Fraser: There is nothing more frustrating than playing hide and seek with a deaf wolf.

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Fraser: You know, you -- you let a wolf save your life, they make you pay and pay and pay . .

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Fraser: …pay, and pay, and pay…

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Fraser: I am perfectly capable of handling myself in any situation. I am. I am a Mountie.

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Fraser: So since their formation our two countries have found a peaceful way to coexist. Except for the War of 1812 where your country invaded ours and we sent you packing, but that's hardly worth mentioning.

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Fraser: Cliffs are for climbing, Lenny. That's why God gave us grappling hooks.

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Fraser: You take the big one, I'll take the bigger one.

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Fraser: Well, that's just silly, Ray.

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Fraser: My name is Constable Fraser and this is Detective Vecchio. We would like to ask you a question that is unrelated to either underwear or breasts.

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Fraser: I see logic is not one of your hobbies.

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Fraser: All right. No more Mr. Nice Man.

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Fraser: I'm sorry for apologizing.

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Fraser: Okay, come on. Bloom, close, kick 'em in the head.

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Fraser: I thought I was in love once. And then later I thought maybe it was just an inner ear imbalance... In the end I realized I'd learned two things. The first is... that it's easier to think you're in love than it is to accept that you're alone, and the second is that it's very easy to confuse love with subatomic particles bursting in the air. Well, I also learned that I should have my ears checked more regularly.

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Fraser: Ray! Duck! [Ray throws himself to the ground] (Duck quacks) Anas platyrhynos... very unusual sighting for this time of year.
Vecchio: (gets up, muttering to himself) Duck... Duck... Duck means DUCK, duck doesn't mean DUCK!...I hate my life.

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Fraser: Bindlestitch!
Vecchio: You know, you've gotta stop swearing in Eskimo.

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Fraser: My father said something that's always stuck with me, Ray.
Vecchio: You father never shut up, did he?

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Fraser: You're not going to shoot either.
Bad Guy: Cause I'm not a killer?
Fraser:  No, I think you are an evil psychopath. But if you try, Detective Vecchio will blow your brains off.
Vecchio: 'Out.’
Fraser: Out. I'm sorry, I stand corrected. He will blow your brains out.

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Vecchio: I mean, why should I trust you? In the last two years you've risked our lives twenty-two times.
Fraser: Boy, I had no idea it'd been that many.
Vecchio: Yeah, well it has.
Fraser: I didn't realize you'd been counting.

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Fraser: Well, you know, Ray, there are worse things than dying.
Vecchio: Name three.
Fraser: How about two?

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Mrs. Vecchio: He's very nice . . . so polite.
Ray Vecchio: He's Canadian, Ma.
Mrs. Vecchio: Oh, I thought he was sick or something.

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Vecchio: Exactly. That's what we need - ridiculous odds and just a speck of hope that someday we'll beat them.
Fraser: I can't say I understand that, Ray.
Vecchio: Well of course you don't! You aren't too swift at this stuff, are you, Fraser?

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Vecchio: We're lost!
Fraser: No, we're not.  We just don't know where we are.

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Ray Vecchio: [to Dief] If Fraser were with a beautiful woman, where would he end up? [woof] No, no, no, that's you and me.

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Vecchio: You know we just took out seven guys? One more and you qualify for American citizenship.

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[At a buffet]
Vecchio: You know what I like about Canadians? They're real easy to elbow out of the way.

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Vecchio: Is that how they punish Mounties in Canada? They make 'em dress like Americans?

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Vecchio: So if you can't say something untrue, please, don't say anything at all.

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Vecchio: Yo! You guys want to move, or you want to find out what fine Italian footwear tastes like?

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Vecchio: You know how it is with Mounties. Any excuse to burst into song.

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Vecchio: It's a Canadian thing, sir. I think he gets extra points for neatness.

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Vecchio: Thanks for your feigned concern.

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Dewey: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Huey: What?
Dewey: FSHHH

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Fraser and Turnbull: Sweeeeeep!

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Fraser: Let's lock our load.
Ray Kowalski: It's lock and load.
Fraser: Lock and load. I'm sorry.

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Kowalski: Routine is the silent killer.
Fraser: I thought that was high blood pressure.
Kowalski: Nah, they changed that.
Fraser: When?
Kowalski: You were on vacation. . .

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Fraser: Well it could have been a deranged accountant.
Kowalski: That is so stupid. A deranged accountant? That's like saying a raging librarian. 

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Guy: Back home we don't trust a man who talks too much.
Fraser: Ah. Where I come from, we don't trust a man who leaves the house without a knife, a compass and some beef jerky.

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Kowalski: Hey, you think I'm losing my hair?
Fraser: No, it's full-bodied and bushy, Ray.

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Kowalski: Oh. . . Got any idea where we are?
Fraser: Yes.  You are right behind me, and I am right in front of you.

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Kowalski: Oh, see, this is what I love about you, Fraser. That real positive, you know, everything's-going-to-work-out-fine kind of attitude. It really butters my muffin! That’s...
Fraser: Thank you, Ray.

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Fraser: Ray look - turtles!
Kowalski: Turtles? (Fraser pushes him out of the plane)

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Fraser: I didn't realize you were so prudish.
Kowalski: Me? Hey, that's not it, I'll try anything.

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Kowalski: 'How to Become a Canadian in Ten Easy Steps.'  Step 1: Get a big hat. Step 2: Lick electrical sockets. Step 3. . .

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Kowalski: Course, he's frightened. That's me. That's my thing. On the inside I'm a poet. Outside, mmm! Shake, bad guys, shake.

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Kowalski: Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er.

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Kowalski: You want me to open up a can of whoop-ass on you?

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Kowalski: Hey, you talkin’ to me or chewin’ on a brick?  Cuz either way you’re gonna lose your teeth.  Freak.

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Kowalski: There are red ships and green ships, but there's no ships like partnerships.

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Robert Fraser: What you need, son, if you don't mind me saying, is a good solid plan--or you can just throw a rock.
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Robert: Never be ashamed to ask a stupid question, son.

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Robert: Finish your sentence, son.  An incomplete sentence is an early indicator of a softening mind.

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Robert:  Sometimes in life all you need is that second chance, and it's the one thing you're not going to have.

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Robert: Sometimes you just have to make a leap, son. Sometimes you just have to leap.

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Robert: When I first joined the Mounted Police, all the equipment we ever got was a paper bag and a pointed stick. Now, we used the bag to boil tea, and the stick was for killing game, and if you lost either of them, they charged you for it!

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Bob Fraser's Diary: They say that every man has a price at which he'll do anything. I'd like to think it's the other way around. Every man has a line -- a line he won't cross over, no matter what the cost.

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**Morning: Buck rallies the men**
Buck Frobisher: They have called this day The Eleventh of March! And whom-so-ever of you gets through this day, unless you are shot in the head or somehow slain… you will stand at tiptoe… when e'er you hear the name again, and you will get excited!…At the name March The Eleventh! We happy few, we few, we band of brothers…our names will be as like…household names. And those who are not here, be they sleeping or… doing something else… They will feel themselves…sort of crappy. Because they are not here to…to join the fight. On this day, the Eleventh of March!! 
*Turnbull cries*

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"Alas, poor Yorick... I knew him, Ray!" ::licks skull:: "My god, Ray; the taste of bitter almonds! Yorick was *poisoned*! We must hie to the castle and determine who had motive!"
-- Paul Gross as Benton Fraser playing Hamlet