There was the slightest gap at the top of the drapes in the bedroom, and Xander lay watching as the light crept in with the dawn, patterning the ceiling with muted pink.   What if he’s not under cover, what if he’s so pissed with me he’s been waiting for this, what if I never see him again, what if he’s not under cover…   A key in the lock shut down the litany in Xander’s head and he fervently thanked any and all Gods for the vampire’s return.   He knew the next test of his resolve would be staying put if Spike didn’t join him.   He wasn’t going to go looking for the vampire, he wasn’t going to apologise for giving directions to William, he…

The bedroom door pushed open and Spike silently entered, shucking off the duster and letting it fall to the floor, stripping off the rest of his clothes and letting them join it.  The covers tugged gently at Xander as Spike climbed into bed, but the vampire was soon rigidly still.   He knew Xander was awake, and Xander knew that he knew.   Just as Xander accepted that they might lie there for hours at a complete stalemate Spike took a deep breath and spoke.

“Sorry.”

“Me too.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I didn’t know it wasn’t you…”

“Xander…”

“…I thought it was…”

“Xander…”

“…and I wanted you so badly…”

“Xander!”   Silence.   “Xander, I don’t blame you.   If it’d been the other way round I’d have shagged you silly the moment I was sure you weren’t going to croak.”

“Gee, and who says romance is dead?”

“Well…”

“That was rhetorical, I don’t want one your fanciful pieces of crap.”   Long silence.   “Where did you go?”

“Walked, checked out the neighbourhood, found this little all-night café about twenty-minutes away.”

“The WeeSH.”

“Yeah.   What’s that about?”

“The Wee Small Hours.”

“Oh.   Right.”

Pause.

“Get laid?”

“No.   Wasn’t looking to get laid.”

“That’s not what you said.”

“I only want you.”

“Sure?”

“Sure.”

“Because…”

“I’m sure.”

Pause.

“Okay.”

Painful pause.

“Don’t stop loving me, Xander.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m a complete tosser.   Because I am going nuts on you.”

“I’m not going to stop, I can’t stop.”

“Xander…”

Spike’s voice broke and Xander moved to him, shushing him, resting his lips against a soft temple.   Spike turned his face toward him, making the offer, and Xander took it, trailing his lips over the scarred brow, kissing eyelids, bridge of the nose.   He kissed Spike’s chin, jaw-line, latching onto the tender skin of the vampire’s neck, biting with enough pressure to make Spike squirm.   The moment he felt the vampire touch him he withdrew; another test of resolve.

“I have to say something, Spike.   I…”   Xander hesitated.   “This is Spike, isn’t it?”   Spike tried to kiss Xander and grumbled his disappointment when the human refused to let him.   “Spike, you’re going to listen.   But first you tell me you’re Spike not William.”

“Yes, Xander, yes,” Spike assured him petulantly.   “Spike, not that bleedin’ nuisance.”

“Okay.”   Xander fell silent, giving the impression of composing what he wanted to say in his head, but he’d known for hours that these words would have to be said.   “I don’t play like a nice boy.   When it comes to us, to our future, I don’t play.   You treated me like a cheap trick and I don’t feel nice, and I won’t tolerate it.  I stopped being a boy a long time ago; I grew up and you’d better remember it.  Alexander Harris is the man who is willing to share your life, to give you everything you want, physically, emotionally, financially.   But he demands respect.   No respect and you’re getting the Gold Card, a ride to the destination of your choice, and the knowledge of what could have been.”

Spike stared at Xander in astonishment before a chuckle broke free from deep within his chest.

“Bloody bravo, Xan.”

“Don’t laugh at me, Spike.”

“I’m not.   I’m enjoying you, there’s a big difference.”

Xander rolled onto his back, stared hard at the ceiling and wondered whether to give up before he got any further embroiled in a conversation that would end up with him as a subject of ridicule.   Respect?   Who was he kidding?

“Enjoying me,” he repeated flatly.

“Can I tell you something now?”

Xander sighed, pretending he was prepared to tolerate listening to Spike when the thought actually made him tingle.   He loved to listen to this voice, he’d always loved it.  Even the preamble ‘Can I tell you something’ stoked memories of a hundred late nights and an equal amount of tall stories from the eloquent (when he chose to be) vampire.

“Tell me something.”

“It’s not a big something.   Time-wise, that is.  Feeling-wise…”

“Tell me.”

Spike shifted a little closer to Xander, feeling the presence of hot flesh inches from his own cool skin and fighting to keep his hands to himself.

“I went into this WeeSH place, wasn’t looking for anybody despite what I said – that I promise.   I bought a drink and sat in a booth at the back of the café so I could watch people.   I was hardly there five minutes when this bint slides into the seat next to me.  Obviously a whore, stinks of a dozen different men, thinks she’s onto unlucky thirteen.   I was repulsed.   I wouldn’t have even killed her for food if I’d been able.   I’m sitting there trying my best to ignore the foul bitch and her ‘baby’ this and ‘baby’ that, wondering why she doesn’t get the hint.   Then she’s up close, on course for a broken wrist due to where her hand’s headed – chip or no soddin’ chip – and she’s giving me this, ‘How about a fuck, baby?’.   I treat her to the full face, and while she’s trying to find the balls to run I say, ‘How about you fuck off, baby, before I take a bite out of that scrawny arse of yours?’   Flashed the fangs and she was out of there, screaming.”

Xander could see it.  He bit the side of his mouth to stop the smile.

“What’s your point?”

“I know that what – who – I want is pure and clean and exclusively mine and I need that.   I also know what a moronic prick I am for risking us because of the parasite in my head.”

Spike tensely waited for Xander’s response, wanting to rail against the voice of William but wanting more to believe his reassurance that there would be no rejection because Xander loved him.   Them.

“What were you drinking?” Xander asked.

Not the question he was expecting; Spike unknowingly gave the cartoon blink.

“Chocolate.”

“So…if I kissed you right now you’d be sweet and creamy and altogether yummy.”

Spike inched closer.

“Oh, yeah, dead yummy.”   He ran his hand over Xander’s t-shirted chest, grabbed a handful of material and pushed his luck.   “I’d probably taste better still if you took this off.”

Xander cracked a smile and Spike felt the reprieve.   His hand found the hem of the t-shirt and he casually persuaded the garment up and off of the obliging human, straddling Xander and settling comfortably on his hips.   Spike spread his hands out on the creamy skin of Xander’s chest, feeling the heart beating, the blood rushing, the strong breaths that declared anticipation, oblivious to his own nakedness until he felt fingers gliding over his thighs, toward, but never touching, his already hard cock.   Spike let his hands slide up and over Xander’s shoulders until they were on the bed either side of the human’s head, then he leant forward, staring intently into Xander’s eyes.

“Spike,” Xander confirmed, voice full of love.

“Spike,” the vampire agreed with a hint of a smile before those smiling lips found Xander’s, and they were sharing more of those feathery, spot-lit-garden kisses.   Spike stretched out over the body beneath him, graceful and controlled – almost, Xander thought, attempting to be surreptitious – and then he was there, full body blanket, one slim leg nudging between Xander’s, body settling once more, getting comfortable, all to the accompaniment of those enticing kisses.   Kisses that Spike allowed Xander the choice of deepening, and the human made that choice, tongue flickering between the vampire’s lips, requesting and being granted entrance. A harmonised mmm emerged as they explored the other’s mouths for the first time.

“Yummy,” Xander broke away momentarily to announce.

Spike smoothly rolled his hips, feeling Xander’s gasp as the vampire’s erection ground against his own, separated only by the thin cotton of his boxers.   Hands running over Spike’s back, Xander could feel the movement of muscles beneath the firm skin, a remarkably sensual experience that made him want to dig his fingers in deeply, experience more, but he kept his touches light, the memory of what that back had been through recently too vivid in his mind.

Meantime, in Spike’s head, the vampire was fighting off the presence of his alter-ego, loath to share a moment of Xander with the usurper.   Threats were pointless unless they were against Xander and used as blackmail – unacceptable even as a ruse – and it took some calculating before Spike realised the way to temporarily free himself.

“Did you know,” Spike whispered to Xander, “that William spied on you in the shower at Red’s?”

Spike grinned as he felt the creepy little wannabe retreat in a flurry of deep mortification.

“He did?” Xander frowned, pulling away from the next kiss.   Spike heard the distinct sound of a plan backfiring as the hands that had been delighting him one moment were stilling him the next.   “I always wondered why he was suddenly so aware of how he looked.   God, I wish I’d known, maybe I could have handled it better.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck!   Fuck him, fuck William!   No, shit, don’t, never fuck William.   No, Xander darling, darling Xander, never fuck William.

“You handled it brilliantly,” Spike assured, lips moving to investigate an earlobe.

“I don’t think I handled any of it brilliantly.”

Spike felt William stir, enticed by Xander’s concern, and put the boot in again.

“He could smell what you’d been doing, just didn’t understand the scent, why it made him feel so jumpy.”

So long, Billy-boy.

“You mean…?   Oh, fucking hell, Spike, I didn’t need to know that!”

“Not nice, eh?”

“He – you – he was so confused.   I hated that, and I made him worse.”

“You made him…!”   Never think things through, do I?  Just open my stupid gob and stick a foot straight in!  Right…   “Don’t blame yourself for anything.   He loves you.   You couldn’t have made too bad a job of it.”

“I don’t think I…”

Spike stopped the comment with an impatient kiss and a twist of the hips, finally using a little of his formidable strength against the firm pressure from Xander’s hands.

“You made it safe for me to come home.   You brought me back, Xander.”   Another kiss, hard and demanding, forcing a physical response.   “He’ll never love you like I do.  Want you like I do, and I want you badly, Xander. My Xander,” Spike growled.   “Mine.”

“Yours,” Xander agreed, sensations from his body shoving every thought from his mind, and now his fingers clenched, clawing into the muscles of Spike’s back, causing the vampire to thrust hard against him.   He wanted, needed to feel Spike.   “Spike, get me out of these,” he gasped, pulling at the side of his boxers.   Spike didn’t have to be told twice.   He leant up, grasped the material and hastily tore the inconvenient garment apart, tossing the pieces aside.   Xander, looked down along his body, mouth open in surprise.   Then he began to giggle, choking on the sound as chilly fingers explored the length of his shaft, experienced the satiny-softness of the taut glans.

“Mine,” Spike reiterated smugly as his fingers wrapped around Xander’s rigid cock, slowly stroking, dampened by the flow of pre-come.   Xander groaned and grabbed for him, pulling him down for more ridiculously tender kisses, rolling them across the bed until he was above Spike.

“Do you mind?” Xander wanted to know, unsure of how dominant the vampire needed to be.  Spike smiled, shimmied to get totally comfortable beneath the heavier body.

“Your pace, Xan.   Whatever you’re ready for.”

Spike was handing over control to Xander because of the human’s apprehension; the gesture touched Xander beyond measure.

“You’re a desperately evil creature, you know that?”

“Apparently, I used to have quite a reputation.”

The human nuzzled at Spike’s neck, feeling the tremors as he scraped his teeth over one of the vampire’s most erogenous zones, stopping to gnaw at the delectable spot where neck morphed elegantly into shoulder.

“And I love you more than words can say.”

He bit down; Spike howled with pleasure, one hand flying to keep Xander’s mouth in place, the other pressing Xander’s hips down as his came up, working their erections together to create a wonderful friction.

“More.   Harder,” Spike pleaded, forming a fist in Xander’s hair.

“Careful, careful!”

Xander prised the dazed vampire’s hand open, taking it a safe distance from his sore scalp and brushing away the sprinkling of hair that had been torn out by the root.

“Sorry,” Spike gasped.   “Caught me by surprise.”

“Don’t want to set the chip off.”   Xander kept a hold of the offending hand and retrieved the other, grasping the wrists and pinning them above Spike’s head.   “Okay?”   Spike nodded quickly, eyes virtually black with lust.   “Pervert.”

Returning to the tender spot he’d created on Spike’s neck, Xander laved the grazed skin with his tongue, enjoying the pressure of the wrists pushing spasmodically against his hands.   Wriggling his hips to get the best contact possible, Xander teasingly murmured his thanks to Spike as the vampire opened his legs to accommodate him, hooking an ankle around the back of Xander’s left thigh.

The lost years, the desperation and longing, the falling apart and the making up and the claiming screamed about immediate fulfilment, but Xander needed to make this last, and was determined to keep the pursuit of their release just the right side of agonisingly slow.   The Spike rebellion he was expecting never occurred, the vampire simply added his low murmurs of pleasure to the mix as Xander meandered toward climax, gentle stimulation accompanied by equally tender touches and kisses.   When Xander eventually heard the first sharp intake of breath from his lover it was the beginning of the end, and his strokes gained a sudden urgency.   Letting go of Spike’s right wrist, but with hissed instructions to leave it exactly where it was, Xander brought his arm to his mouth and opened the cut he’d been feeding Spike with, biting down hard to start the bleeding afresh.   With blood on his lips he kissed the vampire, being lifted from the bed by the excited thrust as Spike flicked his tongue out and tasted.   Xander offered up the bleeding arm and, as Spike’s mouth fastened over the wound with a frantic growl, he found his earlier bite mark on the vampire’s neck and clamped his teeth over it, this time breaking the skin.   The sudden mad writhing of bodies compensated for the leisurely build up, and they came together in a wild explosion of noisy, bloody, semen-streaked adoration.

Time passed.   Xander pushed himself off of Spike and flopped back onto the bed, satisfaction thrumming through his entire body.   The faint taste of Spike’s blood lingered on his tongue and he chose to savour it rather than berate himself for having bitten quite so hard.   Sleep tugged at him as he lay there in contemplation and he fought it, pushing himself onto his side and staring at his lover.   His lover.   Spike, his lover.   His lover, Spike.   Who was utterly motionless but looked damned happy.   His lover.   Who was possibly slightly more than his lover now because of the exchanging of blood thing, but although Xander’d read about that a long time ago he didn’t remember much: he always was crap at research.   Xander retrieved his t-shirt from the floor and wiped the goo from both their torsos before discarding it once again.

“Spike?”

“Mmm?”

“Is that the most boring sex you’ve ever had?”

Deep-throated chuckle.

“No, Xan.”

“Almost?”

“No, Xan.”

“I should’ve done more.   Lots more.”

“No, Xan.”

“But I didn’t want it to be over in seconds and you get me like that.   And I did tell you I was pretty nervous.”

“Yes, Xan.”

“You thinking you’ve made a great mistake and sex is always going to be boring with me?”

“No, Xan.”

“I won’t be so nervous next time and I’ll figure out how to make it better.”

“Xander…”

“Yes?”

Spike turned his head the few inches it took to be able to look directly into Xander’s anxious eyes.

“No-one’s ever made love to me before.   I’ve been exploited, shagged, raped, fucked, used, screwed, buggered and abused.   You’re the first person to make love to me.  That’s not boring, that’s the finest thing I’ve ever been given.”   Watching Xander’s expressive face, Spike saw the pleasure at his love-making references clouded by the admission of exploitation.   Moisture pooled in the chocolate-drop eyes, and Spike reached out and pulled Xander onto his chest.   “And, all that aside, it was plain bloody fantastic.   Like being slowly tormented into coming and, I have to tell you, in these circumstances slow torment appeals to a vampire.   Plus you got the finale down a treat.   Didn’t you enjoy it as much as I did?”

“I did.   It was…   Just being with you…”   Xander leant forward and pressed his lips to Spike’s.   “Just being with you is amazing.”   After so long, waiting so long, wanting you forever.

“Never thought a human would want to mark me as their own,” Spike smiled.   “Certainly never thought you would.   Thought I’d lost you.”

“Is that what I did?” Xander asked in a voice hoarse with restrained emotion.   “Mark you as mine?”

“Oh, yeah.   I’m all yours now.   You’ll never get rid of me without a stake.”

Xander shuddered and Spike held him tighter for a few minutes before insisting he got into bed, and the human reluctantly gave up his hold to follow orders.   Under the covers, Spike turned Xander on his side and spooned protectively behind him, kissing his neck and shoulders, burying his face in the dark hair and breathing deeply of the scent.

“How did they take you?” Xander finally asked in a hesitant voice.   “The people that…”

Spike froze.

“Let’s not go there now.   Or possibly ever.”

“I should have been with you.   I should have stopped them.”

“Don’t.   For me, don’t.”   Xander heard the panic and nodded quickly.   Spike unfroze and tightened his grip.   “Go to sleep.   Sleep, Xander.   But tell me first.”

“I love you, Spike.”

“Don’t stop, will you?   If I try hard not to fuck everything up?”

“I won’t stop.   I don’t want to stop.”

“I haven’t any right to ask…”

“You have every right.   Believe me.”   Xander gently stroked the arm that encircled him.   “You can believe me.”

“I want you so much.   I’m going to fuck this up.”

“Hey, don’t.   I mean do.  Do want me, don’t think the rest of it.  We’re okay.   We’ll be okay.”

“Tell me.”

“I love you.   I love you and I won’t stop loving you.”

“That’s…   Good.”

Xander waited until he knew Spike was asleep then deftly extricated himself from the vampire’s firm embrace, sitting beside him on the bed for a while, free to observe the face that always looked so young and innocent at rest.   The recognition of innocence made Xander think about William, fighting for existence alongside the demon, and his heart went out to the gentle character.   With Spike so maniacally jealous he couldn’t communicate with William as he’d like to, couldn’t take him in his arms and cuddle him and listen to the purr his contentment induced.   Xander sighed.   He felt he owed William too much to disregard his very real presence, but did he have the courage to face up to Spike on this?

As he watched, a frown creased the skin between Spike’s eyebrows and his head jerked back into the pillow.   Dreaming again, Xander realised, wishing he hadn’t sent Spike to sleep with the thought of…that on his mind.   Should let it go, let Spike talk when he’s ready.   If and when.   It was the mention of abuse and…   Xander stroked Spike’s cheek with the back of his fingers, relieved when the frown faded and the vampire relaxed again.   It was so tempting to climb back into bed, hold onto Spike and pretend he could keep him safe, protect him from the memories, but he had too much to get on with before the move, and if he slept now he wouldn’t be awake until nightfall.   Vampire hours were okay for vampires – he smiled at his sleeping friend – but the real world worked to a whole other clock.   First things first: shower, coffee.   No.   First things first: he leant down and kissed the sculptured lips.

“Love you, Spike.”   Love you, William.

…

Xander slumped into an armchair with a resounding groan.   It was just before one-thirty in the afternoon and he felt like he’d been awake for a week.   Rolling his shoulders and groaning again he surveyed the room: it looked a little less as if a tornado had passed through, but he’d spent too long sorting through his old project files, only to end up packing them all because he couldn’t bear to part with a single memory.   He’d had the unmitigated pleasure of throwing out all the supplies he’d needed to treat Spike’s wounded body.   And he’d made the calls he wanted to, made sure what time the removers were arriving, arranged for his home phone number to be transferred to the new property, his mail to be diverted.   He’d ordered Spike’s car, complete with modifications, and been reassured about the protective properties of the new glass, which was apparently even more daylight resistant than the windows in the Merc.   He grinned at the thought of Spike’s face when he saw the car, so far beyond cool to be positively frigid.   Xander had also thrown enough money at the project to get it fast tracked: tomorrow Spike would be the proud owner of a Jaguar Coupe as sleek, powerful and magnificent as the vampire himself.

Something prickled at Xander’s senses and he was on his feet, running for the bedroom before the first wail of his name emerged.

“Spike?” he called anxiously as he came to a skidding halt at the sight of the empty bed.   “Spike?”   A muffled sob lured him to the far side of the room.   There was the vampire, hiding in a familiar nook; Xander grabbed his robe from behind the door and hurried over, wrapping the thick material around the trembling frame.  “You’re safe,” he assured, trying to quell the soft weeping with gentle words and touches.   “You’re with me and you’re safe.   Spike?   Look at me.  Look and see that it’s me.”

The blond head obediently rose and wide, innocent eyes fixed on Xander.

“Master.”

Xander sank to the floor and stared.

“William.”

Repossession 17       Repossession Index       Repossession Notes

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