SPIKE:
Oi, Harris, a word.

XANDER:
Or two even.
  Word brought a friend and together they are…fuck off!

SPIKE:
Blimey, who rattled your cage?

XANDER:
You and your brain-melding,
buglicious, butt-monkeyfying kind.

SPIKE:
Now that you’ve brought that up…

XANDER:
Not bringing up anything other than the last few ‘roaches.
  Oh, shit, don’t remind me.

SPIKE:
Y’know, I wouldn’t have believed a fouler colour than that shirt existed before your face turned that shade.

XANDER:
Fuck.
  Off.

SPIKE:
Not.
  Yet.  See, I had a word with Dracula about this money he owed me and…

XANDER:
What!
  When?

SPIKE:
Doesn’t matter when.

XANDER:
Buffy dusted the bastard.

SPIKE:
Er, yeah, that’d be right.
  Course she did.  But as I was…

XANDER:
She didn’t?
  He’s still out there?

SPIKE:
My point…

XANDER:
Fuck!
  You think he’ll be back for me?  Spike?  No way.  Even if he’s still out there he got sick of the new toy and now he’s MovinOn Vamp.  Tell me he got sick of the new toy…

SPIKE:
Actually…

XANDER:
Ah, fuck, no!
  What am I going to do?

SPIKE:
Shut up and listen?

XANDER:
To you?
  Ha.  Ha!  Okay.  To you.  Inside information, yeah?  Shutting up and listening.    Well?    Oh, for…!  Come in.

SPIKE:
Cheers, mate, always appreciate an invitation.

XANDER:
You were saying?

SPIKE:
I was?

XANDER:
Dracula, dead, undead, creep won’t have the decency to scatter in the wind…

SPIKE:
Right:
Drac.

XANDER:
Unhappy with the
thralling, have to say.

SPIKE:
Now, this…

XANDER:
I don’t want to work the bug routine again, and as for the rest…

SPIKE:
Harris!

XANDER:
Listening.

SPIKE:
This money he owes me.
  We had a chat and agreed that, with the accumulated interest, it’s quite a wad.  And as the old poof didn’t have any cash about him he had to pay me in kind.

XANDER:
And?
  And?  Can you not abuse the ominous pause, ‘cause I’m…  Don’t look at me like that.

SPIKE:
Like what?

XANDER:
With the upping and downing and assessing as if I’m…
  Oh, fuck.  Oh, fuck!

SPIKE:
Yep.
  Sounds like you got there without me.  He had to pay me with the only thing he owned right now.  And that would be…

XANDER:
Me.

SPIKE:
You.

XANDER:
You own me.
  You own me?

SPIKE:
I own you.

XANDER:
You’re kidding.
  Whole thing’s a big ol’ joke on dumbass Xander.  Don’t look at me like that!

SPIKE:
Just wondering what to do with you.

XANDER:
Huh?

SPIKE:
You obviously don’t want me to keep you, so what do I do with you?

XANDER:
Again with the…huh?

SPIKE:
I’ve a few debts I could pay back with you.
  A few favours I could earn…

XANDER:
Debt…?
  Favours…?  I…?  If you mean what I think you mean I’ll stake you first.  I’ll stake me first.

SPIKE:
This is a question of honour, Harris.
  It’s now your debt to pay back and I never had you down for a piker.

XANDER:
My debt?
  How…?  And a what?  I’m so not.  Whatever that is.

SPIKE:
Right, you’re not, so…

XANDER:
So…?

SPIKE:
Any preferences?

XANDER:
You don’t lend me or sell me or farm me out for debts or favours or…
  Fuck!  I am not having this conversation!

SPIKE:
Dracula did mention
a certain…skill he was teaching you.

XANDER:
A certain…
  You…you know about…that?

SPIKE:
He was impressed.

XANDER:
I was
thralled!

SPIKE:
Whatever.
  He thought your skills were all down to his instruction but I think a fellow like you has hidden talents.  Natural talents.

XANDER:
What
is a fellow like me?
  Don’t do the eyebrow thing.  Don’t do the pause thing.  Don’t do the knowing look thing.  Especially don’t do the knowing look in a pause eyebrow thing!

SPIKE:
Versatile.

XANDER:
Versatile?

SPIKE:
I think a fellow like you is versatile.

XANDER:
Why doesn’t that sound like an insult?
  Which somehow has to be worse.

SPIKE:
Flexible.

XANDER:
Flexible?

SPIKE:
A fellow like you – versatile, flexible – would have natural talents.
  Hidden.  Latent.

XANDER:
Way too nice.
  Way, way too nice.  Just say it, Spike.  Not the eyebrow!

SPIKE:
Just say it?
  Fine.  On your knees, Harris, and make it worth my while not giving you up to a certain Eutam’n demon I know who thinks you’re rather tasty.

XANDER:
Tasty?
  Hold on a minute here: if I’m now your property there is no way you’re going to let some demon eat me.

SPIKE:
Not in the sense you’re thinking of, no.

XANDER:
I…I have no choice.
  Do I?

SPIKE:
Don’t give me that look.

XANDER:
No choice.
  Okay.

SPIKE:
That look might work on the bints, but not…

XANDER:
Okay.
  Not hyperventilating here.  I can do this.

SPIKE:
Ah, sod it.
  Sod it, I can’t believe I’m saying this but…

XANDER:
I have no choice.  Just let me get it over with.  Damn buttons, you had to have buttons.

SPIKE:
Harris…

XANDER:
If I’m getting on my knees the least you can do is call me Xander.

SPIKE:
Maybe I was a bit hasty and…
  Bloody hell!  Bloody hell, he wasn’t joking.  That’s a nice mouth when there’s no form of speech emerging.    Oh, yes, that’ll do.  No need to hang about, it’s been a while and I’m looking to…  Nice.  Forgotten the impact of a warm hand just there.  Or there.  Or…

XANDER:
Huh uh
ang hun.

SPIKE:
Don’t speak with your mouth full.
  Concentrate on    Bloody hell!  Bloody fucking bloody hell!  Xa

XANDER:
We finished here?

SPIKE:
Natural.
  Talent.

XANDER:
Cause I’m thinking…done here, making tracks.  My home but I’m not too proud to leave if you want time to…

SPIKE:
Up here.
  Now.

XANDER:
Gimme a hand.
  Wasn’t thinking there.  Feel free to ignore the inappropriate show of interest.  I said feel free…  Er…Spike…don’t  You don’t…have to…  Gyah!  That’s the super-strength grip, yeah?  Oh, God.  And speed, yeah?  That’s…that’s…  Fuck, Spike, leave it attached!

SPIKE:
Shut up and…

XANDER:
Yeeeeargh!

SPIKE:
Come.

XANDER:
Uh…
  Brain’s gonna kick in any time now.    Okay.  You want something to wipe…  Ah. Licking.  You’re…licking…  But that’s…

SPIKE:
You.

XANDER:
Me.
    Why did you…?  And then…?  Any of that?

SPIKE:
Never was much good at the selfish shag.
  Talking of which, did Drac ever…?

XANDER:
Hey,
hands, mister!
  Oh, right, see what you…  No, he didn’t.  Oh.  Oh!  That mean you’re going to…?  Don’t make me do that, Spike, please, Spike, don’t, don’t make me…  XXX  Mmm  Wow.  That was…  Never kissed a guy before.  Dead or alive.

SPIKE:
Didn’t chuck up on my boots, that’s a good sign.

XANDER:
Boots are safe.
  Y’know, that was…  Think you could, just in the interests of science, maybe…  XXX  Mmm  XXX  Mmmmmm  Wow.  Oooh, hands again.  Cool.  Nice on me.

SPIKE:
Nice on you.
  Hot.  You’re so hot, Xander.

XANDER:
You called me Xander.

SPIKE:
You told me to.

XANDER:
Not in
that voice.
  That voice is…  Made me all goosy.

SPIKE:
Goosy?

XANDER:
Bumps.
  Feel.

SPIKE:
Goosy.

XANDER:
Hands, yes, like.
  More.

SPIKE:
More?

XANDER:
More.

SPIKE:
C’mon then.

XANDER:
Where…?
  Whoa, Spike, whoa!

SPIKE:
Step out of these.

XANDER:
Spike, I…

SPIKE:
Arms up.

XANDER:
Spike…

SPIKE:
Pretty.
  Relax.  Get comfortable.

XANDER:
On my knees is…
  On my back…  I’m not ready for this, I’m saying…  Oh.

SPIKE:
What?
  Saying what?  Should I get dressed again?

XANDER:
I, er…
  Guess I’m feeling the thrall, ‘cause…  No clothes: good.  Don’t know if I can…  Naked vamp in bed with naked me.  That can’t be right.

SPIKE:
What if I…?

XANDER:
Ah!
  Oh.  That’s…

SPIKE:
And if I…

XANDER:
Wah!

SPIKE:
Hand cold?
  Sorry.  Got no way of warming it up unless I do this…

XANDER:
Wah!

SPIKE:
again.

XANDER:
Fuck, Spike, more!

SPIKE:
What if I do it more with…this?

XANDER:
That…that…that…won’t fit.
  It cannot fit.

SPIKE:
You’d be surprised.

XANDER:
I’d be amazed.

SPIKE:
Then prepare to be totally flabbergasted.

XANDER:
Spike, no.
  No!

SPIKE:
Xander…?

XANDER:
Oh.

SPIKE:
Xander…?

XANDER:
Oh.

SPIKE:
Xander…?

XANDER:
Oh.
  My.  God.

SPIKE:
Xander…?

XANDER:
Yes.
  More.

SPIKE:
More?
  Sure?

XANDER:
Sure.

SPIKE:
More.

XANDER:
Fuck, yes!
  Fuck, yes!  Fuck…no.  Don’t stop.

SPIKE:
Not stopping.
  Just changing the angle so I can…

XANDER:
Oh.
  My.  God.  Oh, oh, oh.  Kisses.  Now.

BOTH:
XXX  Mmmmm

XANDER:
Have to.
  Breathe.  Oh, fuck, yes, Spike, yes, harder, more, yes.  Yes, yes, yes, that’s…  Oh, God, that’s…  Shit, fuck, too soon, gonna…  Spike.  Spike, Spike, Spike!  Yes, there, yes.  Yes!

OH.
  MY.  GOD!!!

SPIKE:
You’re a very loud…Xander.

XANDER:
You mind loud?

SPIKE:
I like loud.
  Loud fuels the ego.

XANDER:
Hey, I…
  Everything about you is cold.  I felt you…

SPIKE:
Bit late for blushing.
  When I’ve got my…

XANDER:
Spike.

SPIKE:
in your…

XANDER:
Spike!
  Don’t laugh at me, it’s not…  XXX  Hmm.  Vampire kisses.  Naked, male, in-bed-with-naked-me-which-can’t-be-right, vampire kisses.

SPIKE:
You want me to…

XANDER:
No!
  Stay.  There.  Exactly where you are.

SPIKE:
Exactly?

XANDER:
Oh, yeah.
  That earns me…  XXX  Mmm, thought so.  XXX  Are you getting…

SPIKE:
Yes.

XANDER:
Wow.
  This usual: cocktail stick to cudgel in two seconds or less?

SPIKE:
Usual for me.
  When I’m…enamoured.

XANDER:
When you’re…?

SPIKE:
Enamoured.
  That’s a nice smile.  Don’t see it much.

XANDER:
No, well…

SPIKE:
Such a surprise, is it?
  That I’m…

XANDER:
Not you.
  Anyone.  XXX  Vampiric oral fixation?  All the kissing?

SPIKE:
Something like that.
  Mind if I…

XANDER:
Do.
  Really.  Do.  XXX  Feel like I have to…  Is it good when I do…this?

SPIKE:
Good!

XANDER:
Ha!
  Er…just wanted to know from within my state of thraldom.  Nothing about wanting to get the sexy vamp off or anything.  Even if he is enamoured.

SPIKE:
Sexy vamp?
  You think…?

XANDER:
Thralled, remember?

SPIKE:
I haven’t…

XANDER:
Yes, you have, and you’d better remember that.

SPIKE:
Consider yourself
thralled.

XANDER:
Better.
    Spike…  Think this will…  I mean, will you want to…er…thrall me again?

SPIKE:
Only at every available opportunity.

XANDER:
And if anyone finds out?
  I’m most definitely thralled.  Dracula, then you.  Thralled.  Not into this guy stuff at all.

SPIKE:
Yeah, love, you cling to that.
  Like I’m the only one who’s noticed you’re as gay as a balloon.

XANDER:
And there’s this thing between you and Dracula.
  Long-standing debt, huh?  Doubt that’ll be paid off in one…thralling.

SPIKE:
True enough.
  It’s going to take a long time.  Long time and many, manythrallings.

XANDER:
Like you said, honourable guy here.
  That’s if…  You really get me from Drac?

SPIKE:
Maybe.

XANDER:
Or maybe not?

SPIKE:
Maybe not.

XANDER:
You lied.
  Colour me unsurprised.  But…why this?

SPIKE:
It wasn’t all a lie.
  See, love, I’ve been waiting for you for a long time.  Long time.  Watching.  Wanting.

XANDER:
And…?

SPIKE:
And?

XANDER:
The truth?

SPIKE:
It’s exactly as I said.
  XXX  Accumulated interest.

 

 

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