SPIKE:
Oi, Harris, a word.
XANDER:
Or two even. Word brought a friend and together they are…fuck off!
SPIKE:
Blimey, who rattled your cage?
XANDER:
You and your brain-melding, buglicious, butt-monkeyfying
kind.
SPIKE:
Now that you’ve brought that up…
XANDER:
Not bringing up anything other
than the last few ‘roaches. Oh, shit,
don’t remind me.
SPIKE:
Y’know, I wouldn’t have believed a
fouler colour than that shirt existed before your face turned that shade.
XANDER:
Fuck. Off.
SPIKE:
Not. Yet. See, I had a word with Dracula about this
money he owed me and…
XANDER:
What! When?
SPIKE:
Doesn’t matter when.
XANDER:
Buffy dusted the bastard.
SPIKE:
Er, yeah, that’d be right. Course she did. But as I was…
XANDER:
She didn’t? He’s still out there?
SPIKE:
My point…
XANDER:
Fuck! You think he’ll be back for me? Spike? No way.
Even if he’s still out there he got sick of the new toy and now he’s Movin’ On Vamp. Tell me he got sick of the new toy…
SPIKE:
Actually…
XANDER:
Ah, fuck, no! What am I going to do?
SPIKE:
Shut up and listen?
XANDER:
To you? Ha.
Ha! Okay. To you. Inside information, yeah?
Shutting up and listening. … Well?
… Oh, for…! Come in.
SPIKE:
Cheers, mate, always appreciate an
invitation.
XANDER:
You were saying?
SPIKE:
I was?
XANDER:
Dracula, dead, undead, creep won’t
have the decency to scatter in the wind…
SPIKE:
Right: Drac.
XANDER:
Unhappy with the thralling, have to say.
SPIKE:
Now, this…
XANDER:
I don’t want to work the bug
routine again, and as for the rest…
SPIKE:
Harris!
XANDER:
Listening.
SPIKE:
This money he owes me. We had a chat and agreed that, with the
accumulated interest, it’s quite a wad.
And as the old poof didn’t have any cash about him he had to pay me in
kind.
XANDER:
And? And? Can you not abuse the ominous pause, ‘cause I’m… Don’t look
at me like that.
SPIKE:
Like what?
XANDER:
With the upping and downing and
assessing as if I’m… Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck!
SPIKE:
Yep. Sounds like you got there without me. He had to pay me with the only thing he owned
right now. And that would be…
XANDER:
Me.
SPIKE:
You.
XANDER:
You own me. You own
me?
SPIKE:
I own you.
XANDER:
You’re kidding. Whole thing’s a big ol’
joke on dumbass Xander. Don’t
look at me like that!
SPIKE:
Just wondering what to do with
you.
XANDER:
Huh?
SPIKE:
You obviously don’t want me to
keep you, so what do I do with you?
XANDER:
Again with the…huh?
SPIKE:
I’ve a few debts I could pay back
with you. A few favours I could earn…
XANDER:
Debt…? Favours…?
I…? If you mean what I think you
mean I’ll stake you first. I’ll stake me first.
SPIKE:
This is a question of honour,
Harris. It’s now your debt to pay back
and I never had you down for a piker.
XANDER:
My debt? How…? And a what? I’m so
not. Whatever that is.
SPIKE:
Right, you’re not, so…
XANDER:
So…?
SPIKE:
Any preferences?
XANDER:
You don’t lend me or sell me or
farm me out for debts or favours or…
Fuck! I am not having this
conversation!
SPIKE:
Dracula did mention a certain…skill he was teaching you.
XANDER:
A certain… You…you know about…that?
SPIKE:
He was impressed.
XANDER:
I was thralled!
SPIKE:
Whatever. He thought your skills were all down to his
instruction but I think a fellow like you has hidden talents. Natural talents.
XANDER:
What is a fellow like me? Don’t
do the eyebrow thing. Don’t do the pause
thing. Don’t do the knowing look
thing. Especially don’t do the knowing
look in a pause eyebrow thing!
SPIKE:
Versatile.
XANDER:
Versatile?
SPIKE:
I think a fellow like you is
versatile.
XANDER:
Why doesn’t that sound like an
insult? Which somehow
has to be worse.
SPIKE:
Flexible.
XANDER:
Flexible?
SPIKE:
A fellow like you – versatile,
flexible – would have natural talents. Hidden. Latent.
XANDER:
Way too nice. Way, way
too nice. Just say it, Spike. Not the
eyebrow!
SPIKE:
Just say it? Fine. On your knees, Harris, and make it worth my
while not giving you up to a certain Eutam’n demon I
know who thinks you’re rather tasty.
XANDER:
Tasty? Hold on a minute here: if I’m now your
property there is no way you’re going to let some demon eat me.
SPIKE:
Not in the sense you’re thinking
of, no.
XANDER:
I…I have no choice. Do I?
SPIKE:
Don’t give me that look.
XANDER:
No choice. Okay.
SPIKE:
That look might work on the bints,
but not…
XANDER:
Okay. Not hyperventilating here. I can do this.
SPIKE:
Ah, sod it. Sod it, I can’t
believe I’m saying this but…
XANDER:
I have no choice. Just let me get it over
with. Damn buttons, you had to have
buttons.
SPIKE:
Harris…
XANDER:
If I’m getting on my knees the
least you can do is call me Xander.
SPIKE:
Maybe I was a bit hasty and… Bloody hell!
Bloody hell, he wasn’t joking.
That’s a nice mouth when there’s no form of speech emerging. … Oh,
yes, that’ll do. No need to hang about,
it’s been a while and I’m looking to…
Nice. Forgotten
the impact of a warm hand just there.
Or there.
Or…
XANDER:
Huh uh ang
hun.
SPIKE:
Don’t speak with your mouth
full. Concentrate on… …
Bloody hell! Bloody fucking
bloody hell! Xa…
…
XANDER:
We finished here?
SPIKE:
Natural. Talent.
XANDER:
‘Cause
I’m thinking…done here, making tracks.
My home but I’m not too proud to leave if you want time to…
SPIKE:
Up here. Now.
XANDER:
Gimme a hand. Wasn’t thinking there. Feel free to ignore the inappropriate show of
interest. I said feel free… Er…Spike…don’t… You don’t…have to… Gyah! That’s the super-strength grip, yeah? Oh, God.
And speed, yeah?
That’s…that’s… Fuck, Spike, leave
it attached!
SPIKE:
Shut up and…
XANDER:
Yeeeeargh!
SPIKE:
Come.
…
XANDER:
Uh… Brain’s gonna kick in any time now. …
Okay. You want something to wipe…
Ah. Licking. You’re…licking… But that’s…
SPIKE:
You.
XANDER:
Me. … Why
did you…? And then…? Any of that?
SPIKE:
Never was much good at the selfish
shag. Talking of which, did Drac ever…?
XANDER:
Hey, hands, mister! Oh, right,
see what you… No, he didn’t. Oh.
Oh! That mean you’re going
to…? Don’t make me do that, Spike,
please, Spike, don’t, don’t make me… XXX Mmm… Wow.
That was… Never
kissed a guy before. Dead or alive.
SPIKE:
Didn’t chuck up on my boots,
that’s a good sign.
XANDER:
Boots are safe. Y’know, that was… Think you could, just in the interests of
science, maybe… XXX Mmm…
XXX Mmmmmm…
Wow. Oooh,
hands again. Cool. Nice on me.
SPIKE:
Nice on you. Hot.
You’re so hot, Xander.
XANDER:
You called me Xander.
SPIKE:
You told me to.
XANDER:
Not in that voice. That voice
is… Made me all goosy.
SPIKE:
Goosy?
XANDER:
Bumps. Feel.
SPIKE:
Goosy.
XANDER:
Hands, yes, like. More.
SPIKE:
More?
XANDER:
More.
SPIKE:
C’mon then.
XANDER:
Where…? Whoa, Spike, whoa!
SPIKE:
Step out of these.
XANDER:
Spike, I…
SPIKE:
Arms up.
XANDER:
Spike…
SPIKE:
Pretty. Relax.
Get comfortable.
XANDER:
On my knees is… On my back… I’m not ready for this, I’m saying… Oh.
SPIKE:
What? Saying what?
Should I get dressed again?
XANDER:
I, er… Guess I’m feeling the thrall, ‘cause… No clothes: good. Don’t know if I can… Naked vamp in bed with
naked me. That can’t be right.
SPIKE:
What if I…?
XANDER:
Ah! Oh.
That’s…
SPIKE:
And if I…
XANDER:
Wah!
SPIKE:
Hand cold? Sorry.
Got no way of warming it up unless I do this…
XANDER:
Wah!
SPIKE:
…again.
XANDER:
Fuck, Spike, more!
SPIKE:
What if I do it more with…this?
XANDER:
That…that…that…won’t fit. It cannot fit.
SPIKE:
You’d be surprised.
XANDER:
I’d be amazed.
SPIKE:
Then prepare to be totally flabbergasted.
XANDER:
Spike, no. No!
SPIKE:
Xander…?
XANDER:
Oh.
SPIKE:
Xander…?
XANDER:
Oh.
SPIKE:
Xander…?
XANDER:
Oh. My. God.
SPIKE:
Xander…?
XANDER:
Yes. More.
SPIKE:
More? Sure?
XANDER:
Sure.
SPIKE:
More.
XANDER:
Fuck, yes! Fuck, yes!
Fuck…no. Don’t stop.
SPIKE:
Not stopping. Just changing the angle so I can…
XANDER:
Oh. My. God. Oh, oh, oh. Kisses. Now.
BOTH:
XXX Mmmmm…
XANDER:
Have to. Breathe.
Oh, fuck, yes, Spike, yes, harder, more, yes. Yes, yes, yes, that’s… Oh, God, that’s… Shit, fuck, too soon, gonna… Spike. Spike, Spike, Spike! Yes, there, yes. Yes!
OH. MY.
GOD!!!
…
SPIKE:
You’re a very loud…Xander.
XANDER:
You mind loud?
SPIKE:
I like loud. Loud fuels the ego.
XANDER:
Hey, I… Everything about you is cold. I felt you…
SPIKE:
Bit late for blushing. When I’ve got my…
XANDER:
Spike.
SPIKE:
…in
your…
XANDER:
Spike! Don’t laugh at me, it’s not… XXX Hmm.
Vampire kisses. Naked, male,
in-bed-with-naked-me-which-can’t-be-right, vampire kisses.
SPIKE:
You want me to…
XANDER:
No! Stay.
There. Exactly
where you are.
SPIKE:
Exactly?
XANDER:
Oh, yeah. That earns me… XXX Mmm, thought so. XXX Are you getting…
SPIKE:
Yes.
XANDER:
Wow. This usual: cocktail stick to cudgel in two
seconds or less?
SPIKE:
Usual for me. When I’m…enamoured.
XANDER:
When you’re…?
SPIKE:
Enamoured. That’s a nice smile. Don’t see it much.
XANDER:
No, well…
SPIKE:
Such a surprise, is it? That I’m…
XANDER:
Not you. Anyone. XXX Vampiric oral fixation? All the kissing?
SPIKE:
Something like that. Mind if I…
XANDER:
Do. Really. Do. XXX Feel like I have
to… Is it good when I do…this?
SPIKE:
Good!
XANDER:
Ha! Er…just wanted to know from within my state
of thraldom. Nothing
about wanting to get the sexy vamp off or anything. Even if he is enamoured.
SPIKE:
Sexy vamp? You think…?
XANDER:
Thralled, remember?
SPIKE:
I haven’t…
XANDER:
Yes, you have, and you’d better
remember that.
SPIKE:
Consider yourself thralled.
XANDER:
Better. …
Spike… Think this will… I mean, will you want to…er…thrall me again?
SPIKE:
Only at every available
opportunity.
XANDER:
And if anyone finds out? I’m most definitely thralled. Dracula, then you. Thralled. Not into this guy
stuff at all.
SPIKE:
Yeah, love, you cling to
that. Like I’m the only one who’s
noticed you’re as gay as a balloon.
XANDER:
And there’s this thing between you
and Dracula. Long-standing
debt, huh? Doubt that’ll be paid
off in one…thralling.
SPIKE:
True enough. It’s going to take a long time. Long time and many, many…thrallings.
XANDER:
Like you said, honourable guy
here. That’s if… You really get me from Drac?
SPIKE:
Maybe.
XANDER:
Or maybe not?
SPIKE:
Maybe not.
XANDER:
You lied. Colour me unsurprised. But…why this?
SPIKE:
It wasn’t all a lie. See, love, I’ve been waiting for you for a
long time. Long time. Watching. Wanting.
XANDER:
And…?
SPIKE:
And?
XANDER:
The truth?
SPIKE:
It’s exactly as I said. XXX Accumulated interest.